OK people, I'm scared, don't know what to do. I need surgery but because of covid nobody can come

TOUGHERTHANIT

I will be alone going in, when I wake up, and even for 14 days in the hospital. I won't be able to see my kids, any family, or anyone period. I am about to cancel it. I don't know what to do.

LiveWithCancer

My first question is whether the surgeon or oncologist thinks postponing is a wise decision. Enduring 14 days of loneliness (and don't forget, you can still talk and facetime or zoom or whatever during that time if you feel like it) is better than having your cancer spread. On the other hand, the doctor may think that delaying for another month or so is okay until, perhaps, restrictions will be relaxed and you can have the surgery with at least some of your family nearby. Good luck. These are difficult times, for sure.

(From what I understand, nurses and hospital personnel are really stepping up to the plate for everyone since they are so aware of how lonely it is for patients not to have their families and loved ones nearby.)

legaljen1969

I agree with LWC, if it can reasonably be put off-maybe that would be more comfortable for you. These are definitely confusing times we are living in right now.

If it can't be put off, Zoom/Facetime and phone conversations are definitely a viable alternative to combating the loneliness a little. Is there any possibility for them allowing one person to come and visit with you? It might be the only person you get, but it's better than nothing.

This may seem a strange "up side," but when you are tired, groggy or ready to just chill out, sometimes it is easier to not have to tell people you need your rest. I am always one who feels compelled to be "with it" when I have visitors. I feel like I have to stay awake and be entertaining and sociable. People just wanted to congregate in my room and visit and felt compelled to keep me company. Sometimes I just wanted to be able to sleep or just rest and be quiet. People get so weird about the patient wanting to rest- like it either offends them or really worries them. I felt so compelled to be "on" all the time.

I am sure I might feel differently if I knew I was facing weeks of being in the hospital without having any visitors, but maybe for the first few days it would be okay.

I wish you the best of luck at figuring out what will work best for your situation.

GregP_WN

I understand your situation. I had an elective surgery scheduled when all of this started and right at that time my facility started that also. Nobody in the room but the patient. My wife could stay in the waiting room during surgery but after that had to leave. She couldn't even have her sister come with her to ride back home with her.

As the ladies have said, if you can put your surgery off for a month or so it might not be an issue then, but if it's an important and urgent surgery you would be better off getting the surgery done. You don't need to hurt your health any more even if you have to push through it by yourself.

Bug

It can't hurt to ask if surgery can be postponed. I'm so sorry you're facing this. Did your surgeon say you might be in the hospital for 14 days?

meyati

I'm sorry, but how serious is the surgery? and I'm thinking it is pretty serious for them to want to do it now with the COVID. After the surgery is over with, you'll feel better. Everyone worries about surgery. You can visit with your family on your cell phone or zoom. You probably will be sleeping a lot anyway. Another thing-- they usually tell you that you will be in longer, and they send you home early. They want you and your family ready for just in case, and just in case hardly ever happens. .

I don't mean to sound hard, but military wives have been doing this forever. Going to a strange and new place and having a baby--they used to keep women in forever after having a kid--I always enjoyed that part.

One of my neighbors had twins while her husband was at sea. He came home 2 weeks later, and dumped her and the twins- he went straight back to his ship and stayed there. Everyone got hold of him. and told him that twins showed he was a real he-man. He went back and got there while the neighbors and landlady were helping her to pack up. It worked out well for them. He was just scared and overwhelmed- Everybody gets scared This was back in 1961, so the twins were a real surprise.

Please think about it-it might spread if you don't get it now.

ChildOfGod4570

What kind of surgery is it? If it's something that will keep for a while, then see if you can put it off until visitors are allowed, even if it means only one person can come in. If it's urgent, then talk to a social worker and/or patient advocate. Perhaps they can either make a note for the nurses to comfort you in your family's absence, or they can put one designated visitor in PPE from head to toe before coming in to see you. I knew someone who actually got a visitor to come see them, gowned, masked, gloved, capped, little covers over the shoes, the whole 9 yards. Be sure to ask if you canhave your phone or a tablet with you; then you can contact lots of people when you feel up to it. I realize this is very scary, but asking a few questions might just make you feel a little better and ease up your decision process. HUGS and God bless.

MyLungCancer

Wow! I didn't realize that the one person rule extended to being in the hospital and no visitors meant family in the hospital rooms. I hope I don't come down with something that lands me in there. Right now I'm stable and treatments are running pretty good.

MLT

Some hospitals are letting 1 person come with you now.
Like everyone else I agree. If you need surgery now, do it. You might be able to request that a chaplain spend some time with you.
Hard decisions to make, but you can get thru this!!

TerriL

If you need to have the surgery now, have it. I agree with everyone else. You can have your phone or computer with you to talk with people. Don't postpone it because of fright, only if it can safely be put off. We may be in this COVID situation for more than another year. Can you safely wait that long?

2943

My husband had surgery during this. I dropped him at front door and a week later picked him up. Not sure what surgery would keep you there a 14 days. Also share with doctor how this has affected you. If it is cancer, do it, get it out. Statistics stand behind that. If it elective, than you might be able to wait. I have this surgery thing down now where I could handle it. We will be with you if you go forward! Hugs!

BoiseB

I have some surgeries (not cancer) that I have asked my Dr.s to postpone and they have been agreeable. My Dr. is not so agreeable about my desire to postpone scans.

fiddler

Ok, I'm a logical thinker (INTJ), so my answer is pretty much sans emotion (not sans feeling).

You can do this.

You need an operation that will enable you to be with your family for a much longer time than if you don't have the operation.

Unless you're in a private room, others will be int he room with you (be sure to open the window or get an ultraviolet light to zap any COVID droplets and don't rely on hospital staff telling you it's okay - take control of it), so you can commiserate with them.

Now let's say the average lifespan is 75 years. Multiply 75 years by 52 weeks and what do you get? That's right, 3,800 weeks. Divide 2 weeks (14 days) by 3,800 and what's the result? Yep ... .0005, or .05% of the lifespan. That's puny.

Get a grip on the emotions and let your family have you for more time, or whine about 2 of 3,800 weeks.

Also, if you get lonely, FaceTime or one of the other apps are available.

meyati

2943---the patient's age and condition is what might cause a person to be told 14 days--problems like anemia, diabetes, asthma, COPD, and so on. The doctor and hospital are being careful, and trying to have the patient and family emotionally prepared for a longer stay.

When my husband was 19, he had a Pilondial cyst system on his tailbone removed. He ended up staying at the Navy hospital for about 4 months, because it didn't want to heal up properly. It either granulated or had an overgrowth. It must have been something in the water or air, because they's do a chemical burn for the overgrowth, and I don't remember what they did for the granulation, He was in a ward with about 25 other sailors and Marines that had the same problem. The nice thing about it is that they put him on a tug boat, so he was home when I went into labor.

His mother went hysterical that he had cancer or something--This is something that now is day surgery. Even simple things can go wrong without it being a big deal. .

Bug

TerriL, I thought of the same thing - we may be in the COVID situation for a long time. It may be better to have the surgery and get it over with. I know this is easier for me to say, TOUGHERTHANIT. But don't forget - YOU'RE TOUGHERTHANIT!! ;-) Sending you hugs and a lot of good vibes.

judithj

Agree with all above and add this - I recently spent 3 weeks in hospital - emergency surgery.
No visitors, but lots of wonderful attention from staff, a surprisingly quiet environment and I was never really alone. Brought my cell phone with me, texted family and friends and had radio station on 24/7 (KDFC.com). If it is necessary, go with the flow, bring a favorite blanket, book, pictures and remember you are NOT alone - this covid virus has made for adjustments but lots of us have been there and we are rooting for you!

MarcieB

I agree with everyone about having the surgery and taking advantage of the quiet time to heal. IF that is the situation? Nowadays they do not keep you in the hospital one minute more than necessary and maybe tougherthanit needs some people/family to help her at home? I had my breast surgery as an out patient and I don't know how I would have managed at home without my husband. I know I am always asking for more details, I am not nosey, I just think we can give better advice if we have a clear picture of the need? emotional support during a scary medical procedure is a different need than physical help at home.

Angelaine

Hi. This is a time where concessions are made for alot of people to stay healthy. You are scheduled for a serious surgery. Remember, there are ways for you to talk with family, friends. You are the one who must be ok with how surgery goes. Prayers for wisdom, peace and answers.

GregP_WN

All good suggestions. I will say too, get the surgery, that's most important. Everyone will be waiting for you when you get out and will be super happy to see you, and you will have one more thing out of your way.

BuckeyeShelby

I had surgery on June 25th. I have no family and no close. Having surgery during a pandemic was not my 1st choice. But I was tested twice and I'm sure that all of the staff was tested as well Or at least had their temperature taken and went over the list of symptoms. So far so good. Only problem was they found recurrence of the cancer. But the surgery itself went well. And like others have said I would have been able to have someone come in sit with me in the waiting Room prior to surgery sit in the waiting Room and wait for me while I was in surgery and then stay in my Room until the end of regular visiting hours and then I wouldn't be able to see them again until I left the hospital. My friend offered the stay. But I wouldn't let him. He's diabetic, has asthma, and lives with his 90 year old mother. I was not going to kill mom.

2943

BuckeyeShelby, hope there is a positive journey coming!

meyati

My son is going on the VA psych ward Tuesday. All of this has been really hard on him. He's been trying so hard to be brave. When his team calls, and he's at the post office or something, I've been telling them he is having a hard time dealing, and sometimes he shakes and shakes. H tries not to complain, and talking to him on the phone is different than sitting in an office and watching each other.

legaljen1969

After reading more of the answers, I have to say I agree with the others who say proceed with the surgery especially if it relates to your cancer. That is not something that can wait.
I am still so thankful I decided to proceed with surgery in late February. I was considering putting things off, but I got it just before the world stopped.

Meyati, you are so right- military wives have been doing the independent, by ourselves thing forever. We make friends who can support us and be with us when the lonely times come, but basically we learn to be highly autonomous. I didn't realize you were a military wife too. Thank you for your time and sacrifice my friend.

Anyhow, @TougherThanIt, you ARE Tougher Than It. Do your thing and get that surgery if it is important that it is done sooner rather than later. Facetime, Zoom and otherwise is a nice choice we have now. It's not the same as a human, but it's better than nothing I suppose.

Teachertina

Get the surgery over with. The time frame they have given you sounds like forever, but remember this is a temporary situation. You will be home and recovering and not worried about it afterwards. Waiting could cause a permanent absence.

meyati

I think that waiting for surgery and scans are 2 of the worst things in the world--it sucks.

TOUGHERTHANIT

Thank you all for your responses, it's overwhelming and I thank you. I have told the doctor I will have the surgery and I am waiting for the scheduler to call with a date. Since I drug my feet on this it's going to be another 2 weeks or so. They are giving me worst case estimates for time for surgery, time in the hospital and time to heal.

meyati

Thanks for getting back to us with this good news. You'll probably will be out in 5 days or less. If it takes longer, you can write me and tell me wrong I was. I do hope that you give us daily-even twice a day- reports on what's going on. You know how much we are nosy rosies.

2943

What is surgery you are facing?
You have lots of fellow warriors in this with you .

Bug

TOUGHERTHANIT, I’m no expert but I think you’re doing the right thing. We’ll be looking forward to lots of updates from the hospital and beyond.

KB2013

Cellphone or tablet, laptop=communication with everyone including WhatNext forum. Whenever I’ve been in a hospital, I keep the tv on 24/7 unless I know I’m dozing off then I turn it off.

meyati

TV on 24/7. They kept coming in and turning the TV off. I immediately woke up and I was rude to them. I told them they didn't live in a house and neighborhood with teenagers. Then they wanted me to watch what they thought was good--like Ellen, soap operas...no, no, no. I finally got them trained.

Then I missed my hounds, and the minute anybody stepped in my room, I was watching them, because I sleep with my hounds. They'd start walking to the TV, and the minute they touched it, I said, DON'T.