Are you making future plans for after treatment or waiting until it's over?

JustGrateful

I have found myself getting ready to mark something on the calendar or start making plans for something that might be for next year, but then I stop and think to myself that I better wait and make sure I make it through this before I start planning things for the future. Anybody else do this?

Jayne

You should go for it! Making positive plans and having something fun to look forward to are great ways to focus your energy.

JaneA

It's good to make "tentative" plans because we've got something to look forward to as slosh through both cancer treatment and COVID-19 simultaneously. My guess is that most of our plans, regardless of our circumstances, are rather tentative at the moment - because of the pandemic.

I made my promise me a beach trip when "THIS" was over - it was an open-ended promise. But we went for Thanksgiving week to the beach, three months after a year of treatment.

legaljen1969

I think making plans is a way to have something positive you can anticipate. I made plans for two special trips this year. I had a cruise planned in April, ahead of my 25th anniversary but then got my diagnosis and I was going to be "almost" to the end of radiation so we shifted the plans to July to give me time to make it all the way through. Now those plans in July are gone due to the pandemic We also have plans to go to Disney when our close friends are able to finalize the adoption of the child they have been fostering. The pandemic may cancel those as well. I will still be taking precautions if we get to go to Disney- mask, lots of sanitizer, frequent handwashing. After dozens of trips to Disney, and often coming home with a touch of respiratory issues, I know that there are germs everywhere anyway. We are fortunate to live relatively close and we usually get a pretty good deal so we go about once a year or every couple of years. I am not worried about running myself ragged and seeing everything.

Go ahead and plan. If it's a trip or something that requires a deposit and something for which you can get travel/trip insurance- buy the insurance and make sure it's "cancel for any reason" or work on paying a slightly higher price for refundable plans.

Next year will come anyway. The days will pass anyway. They may as well pass with something happy you can think about. I hope you do make it through and you can enjoy your plans.

Teachertina

I make plans all the time! Sometimes I have to change them or cancel but I make them anyway. Sometimes the plans actually work out and I get to do some great stuff, so don’t stop planning! It’s called optimism! Stay positive!

JustGrateful

Thank you all, I just can't get that thought out of my mind that I might not be here to take part in a wedding, or go on that vacation. I was thinking about getting a new car, then thought, why?

legaljen1969

@JustGrateful. You ask "Why buy a car?" Why not? Have they given you a prognosis that you have less than a year to live? Have they given you a prognosis that you have something untreatable?
Like many others, I will tell you that if you convince yourself that you are terminal- your body and immune system will follow your mental state right down that path. Your journey so far states that you were just diagnosed. You don't know if you are ER+/- PR+/-, HER2+/-. Maybe you are keeping all of that to yourself and that is certainly within your rights. It just appears you are still very much in the beginning stages of your cancer journey, just barely at the stepping off point.
Please don't give up on yourself before you even get started.
I almost did the same thing. Then. within 2 months I was finished with a lumpectomy, PET scan, MRI, and mastectomy and I had great pathology results and knew I wasn't even going to have to go through chemo or radiation.
Granted, you are already, stage wise, a bit more advanced than I was, but you are not at the end of your useful life. Don't give up before you even get started. This does not have to be a death sentence for you.
Girl, I have news for you. LIFE is terminal. We all die sooner or later. It's your choice how you live. You can live every day worried that you will die (which you will with or without cancer), or you can LIVE until you die. I don't mean that unkindly. The further you progress in your journey, the more you will understand how valuable it is to live and how much more you enjoy it.
Cancer is but a circumstance in your life that may determine how able you are to do certain things. You are not cancer. Cancer is not you.
Make those plans and plan to be be there for everything you want to do. Don't lock yourself away and define yourself as cancer.
Chin up. You've got this.

LiveWithCancer

Hi JustGrateful,

I was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. My oncologist thought I had 4 months to live. I admit I didn't renew some magazine subscriptions that first year...

But, now, 7+ years later, I am still here, living life! It took a while, but these days I rarely even think about the fact that I might not be here to meet a deadline or whatever. A year and a half or so ago, a good friend and I planned a trip to Israel. She and I were both diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in 2012. We did buy trip insurance ... just in case ... but it was just in case a lot of things might happen, not just that one or the other of us might have issues with our cancer.

Here's the thing. Life is uncertain whether or not you have cancer. This was brought home to me when my 43-year-old son dropped dead and shortly thereafter my best friend since the 4th grade died unexpectedly. I was the one with stage 4 cancer, not them!!! They've been gone over a year ... and I'm still here, presumably doing well. Go figure.

Live your life. Don't allow cancer to steal your joy. It isn't that powerful unless you allow it to be. And, good luck!! You have this!

beachbum5817

JustGrateful, I was that way when I was done with all my treatments. Not only did I have to heal from the treatments, but I had to learn to live with the side-effects from them. I have gotten better about planning as the years have passed. Try starting planning things that are only a month from happening and add farther away things as you feel comfortable. You will soon see how easy it is. Take care.

omaalyce

I have had to change some plans due to things being beyond my control. Our granddaughter's last track meet. Her graduation may or may not happen. Our beach week with the family in June may or may not happen. These are on hold not cancelled. Our 50th anniversary in conjunction with our annual Pittsburgh Steelers Cruise in March hopefully will not be cancelled. The Children's Pediatric Dance in May hopefully will be rescheduled. I still write things in a paper calendar and very few of those have been cancelled. Life is short. When I finished my radiation treatments on July 5, 2017 I went home and packed for our family beach trip that we left for on July 8, 2017. I try not to let my immune system and side effects stop me from the things I love doing. Our children & grandchildren are scattered across the country, military families often have this happen. I look forward to those trips and will let very little stop me from going out to see them.

My immune system "sucks"- my team of doctors will not let me go anywhere currently and that's okay as I am not ready to put myself out there yet. I recently was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis on top of having several other things as well as being 71. So, I will listen to the team but still hoping to do all the things I wrote about. CARPE DIEM! Seize the day-I try to live by that.

As you learn what side effects you may or may not have you learn how to deal with them. You adjust to them. They should not stop you. So, buy that car, make your plans and enjoy. As legaljen1969 said don't let this take your life away. I am Stage 3, NED, when I woke up from my surgery I was told that the doctor wasn't able to remove all of my cancer-hopefully the radiation did the trick. It was not what I hoped to hear but it also was not going to stop me. I want to enjoy my time here on earth and so I make plans and travel to see my family. You are stronger than you can imagine and cancer is a road block but it's one you can go around and enjoy what lies a head.

My final words are these, we all have down days, it happens please don't beat yourself up when that happens. I have tried to be upbeat for 3 years now and in doing so I was denying those days. I no longer do that, it's not healthy. So, I put on music or read, take a walk whatever I need to do to get back to my happy spirit place. We are all here for you and Greg is one of the most encouraging people here. Reach out just as you have now. I have a favorite saying, Today is the Tomorrow you worried about Yesterday by Dale Carnegie. For me it says so much. God Bless You!

ChildOfGod4570

JustGrateful, it might help to have something to look forward to. When I was in the throes of chemo and had only baby fuzz for hair, I bought a crown like the kind you give a prom queen and said I would be able to wear it once I started regrowing hair. Because it was purchased in a wig shop, it was OK to wear it with my wig, so I wore it to a Christmas party at my church. When I was diagnosed, I didn't think of if I would die; I just wanted to get healthy again and focused on that. Then I would celebrate milestones such as finishing chemo, coming through surgery with clear margins, being done with radiation, etc. You can look forward to something as small as a bowl of ice cream. I will go to my grave remembering how my mother blessed me with a small bowl of ice cream when I had a bad reaction to chemo. For a little while, I felt normal when she gave me that little treat. find some little pleasures as you go through your journey and look forward to each milestone. HUGS and God bless.

Grandy

7 1/2 years of total success, for me causes me to say... go plan some life!
My neighbor JUST died from cancer related issues... but he first had cancer in 1984.... and was in remission until a few years ago. So plan at LEAST 35 years into the future! Ha!!!! HUGS!

fiddler

This may not work for you, and I'm not giving advice or criticizing. When I went through treatment, I did not make plans. I just enjoyed each day on its own. I'm still that way - it was a total turnaround for me - usually I had plans for the near and far future. Illness helped me to see what's before me now. Now I'm 7 years older and still no plans, other than taking time to enjoy the southeast part of the state I live in once the ridiculous quarantine is lifted.

petieagnor

Everyone needs to make plans for the future. What kind of plans, well that depends on different factors for each of us. Living with MBC has changed how I make plans. No one knows what is in store for the future. This pandemic proved that. Live your life, but you don't need to go overboard. If you need a new car, go for it. I did. Our car just wore out; he wanted a bottom of the line; I wanted a nice luxury sedan. I've had my previously owned Caddy ATS now for 4 yrs. It was a compromise. Not big like my Impala or small like the Malibu, but in between. I was doing chemo, sick, no hair, but he needed to do something so for a month he brought home cars for me to test drive. Enjoy the ride of making plans. I had no idea I would be here to enjoy driving 1.6 miles to the grocery in my Toy Caddy.

kalindria

Make plans now. First, recurrence happen and you just never know what the future has in store. Secondly, make plans now. I actually went to Scotland for three weeks in the middle of chemotherapy. I made allowances, took naps, didn't push myself too hard and ate healthily, and had the best vacation ever. You can't put life on a shelf and wait.