I'm not sure quite how to take a statement from an acquaintance.

BobsProstate
BobsProstate Member Posts: 56
edited February 2020 in General Cancer
A friend, distant, but still a friend saw me in a local store the other day and was asking me about my diagnosis. After my giving her a rundown about what has happened and what treatments I have had, surgery, etc. and my current status, she then says, "well, you know you brought this on yourself don't you"? I almost fell over. I asked what are you talking about? She said it was because I had not been to church enough recently. Now I'm not an atheist, devil worshiper, or anything like that. But, I'm not a holly rolling go to church 5 times a week either.

After absorbing what she said all I could say was "really"? And I just walked off. Have you ever been attacked like this and accused like this?

Comments

  • Bengal
    Bengal Member Posts: 518
    edited February 2020
    I think people are so terrified of CANCER!!!! they feel they have to assign a reason for it and preferably a reason which cannot be applied to them. That makes them somehow feel safe. This "friend" would no longer be a friend to me if she feels that way. No, fortunately, I have not yet experiences such an attack. So sorry you had to go through this and from a "friend".
  • GregP_WN
    GregP_WN Member Posts: 742
    edited February 2020
    I'm not overly religious either, that doesn't mean I'm an atheist or devil worshiper either. No matter what I am I don't want someone pushing their radical beliefs on me. That shouldn't happen in ANY situation about ANY topic. There's a reason that for decades people said there are two things that you don't discuss, politics and religion. If you don't believe that this is a good thing to follow just take a look at the shape our Country is in politics wise.
  • po18guy
    po18guy Member Posts: 329
    edited February 2020
    That friend is not distant enough. Judgmental (and many other adjectives), but did not display any of the Christian virtues of faith, hope and charity.

    Where does any faith with truth in it teach that you will not become sick?
  • Dawsonsmom
    Dawsonsmom Member Posts: 99
    edited February 2020
    This is just outrageous..... not to mention mean spirited, blaming and simply STUPID. I wonder what all the clergy with cancer would say about this. I would distance from this person bc she is too xdxcfx stupid to be my friend.
  • LiveWithCancer
    LiveWithCancer Member Posts: 470
    edited February 2020
    Wow!!! That's the most ridiculous statement ever!!! I'm glad to read that you were smart enough to walk away from her - that was mean, cruel, and not Biblical AT ALL!!!! (I wonder what she says about people who are in church every time the doors are open who are diagnosed with cancer or heart disease or who are killed in wrecks, etc????)

    I hope you won't spend a single moment fretting over such stupidity.
  • Carool
    Carool Member Posts: 787
    edited February 2020
    Or children (babies, even) who get cancer and sometimes die of it. Un_____ingbelievable!
  • Kp2018
    Kp2018 Member Posts: 105
    edited February 2020
    I am always happy for people who find solace in their religious beliefs. But when people use their religion as a weapon against those who are in a weaker position, I see tremendous harm in religions. I avoid hyper religious people like the plague.
  • c1a1c1
    c1a1c1 Member Posts: 12
    edited February 2020
    People who say such nonsense make me wonder what they will think if THEY get cancer. I bet they will say it is "God's will". LOL She probably thinks you are demonic - simply incredible. She sounds like she sides with Satan! I always think "just because you are in a garage doesn't mean you are a car" i.e. "just because you go to church......" Good luck to you and avoid such ugly people.
  • JaneA
    JaneA Member Posts: 335
    edited February 2020
    I'd have to be making that "friend" more distant. People of faith are just as likely to get cancer as anyone else.
  • TerriL
    TerriL Member Posts: 60
    edited February 2020
    Wow! As a strong believer who just went through a year of treatment for breast cancer, I would have a few choice words for that "friend". You do not deserve that sort of treatment, and I truly hope you know that.
  • jdp746
    jdp746 Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2020
    Bob, Really was actually my very first thought and would have been my only comment to your friend. People have used that response for so long, its most likely how they were raised. Cancer is not a punishment for something we may have done differently than others. I too am a prostate cancer survivor and a believer. I don't get to church every week, and there are times I forget to pray. That certainly doesn't mean I was punished. Our God is a forgiving God, ever faithful to all of his children. Our best thing to do in these encounters is walk away, pray for them and remember to give thanks to our Father. I truly believe I was blessed with great doctors and care teams mostly due to the power of prayer! God Bless you and thank you for sharing.
  • fusilier
    fusilier Member Posts: 22
    edited February 2020
    Please accept my congratulations on your polite response; I probably would have indulged myself in Anglo-Saxon monosyllables.

    fusilier

    James 2:24
  • andreacha
    andreacha Member Posts: 196
    edited February 2020
    My daughter's former in-laws were like that. Pillars of the church and two of the most two-faced and backstabbing people I've ever met in my 76 years. I'm proud of the way you handled the situation. I'm ashamed to say I'd have a few words to impart as I walked away.
  • GraGil
    GraGil Member Posts: 1
    edited February 2020
    We dare not criticize the views of God fearing people based on a misdirected individual. The "penalty" of cancer for something you did or didn't do is not taught in the Bible. Both my wife and I have been through cancer treatments and do not view these as penalties. God continues to bless us is so many ways. We can empathize with all those who are going through similar experiences. Please disregard any ill directed comments.
  • Molly72
    Molly72 Member Posts: 227
    edited February 2020
    GraGil, I do dare criticize views of people who hound those of us who are not Christian & are constantly in our faces about our lack of religion or grace or commitment to what they believe.
    Luckily we live in a country supposedly founded on FREEDOM of religion. However sometimes many forget that.
    The best thing Christianity espouses is "do unto others......" However they usually forget that little ditty!!!
  • Dawsonsmom
    Dawsonsmom Member Posts: 99
    edited February 2020
    I heard an old country song today by Don Williams titled I Believe In You and it brought this issue to mind for me. One verse says:

    I don’t believe that heaven waits
    For only those who congregate
    I like to think that God is love
    He’s down below
    He’s up above
    He’ s watching people everywhere
    He knows who does and doesn’t care

    I am not a religious person and if there is a God, this describes the one I would believe in.

    Believer or not, country music fan or not, this is a great song and one of the prettiest country love songs ever recorded, so take a listen.
  • BoiseB
    BoiseB Member Posts: 225
    edited February 2020
    Reminds me of my mother always telling me " Aha God punished you" As I have gotten older I have realized that that is one of the most unchristian statements one can make. She does not represent people of any faith. Your response was right on
  • po18guy
    po18guy Member Posts: 329
    edited February 2020
    For many of us religious/believer types, it is not punishment. It is testing. In my view, if I am created, the Creator has an absolute right to test me. Ford, Chevy, Honda and Toyota do as much.

    Boeing should have.
  • BoiseB
    BoiseB Member Posts: 225
    @po18guy I share your beliefs. Since I have moved to a new city I have become active in our church. One of the church ministries is a cancer support group. Although we approach our cancers is spiritual, the group is open to everyone. I would say that no member of that group would say to anyone "You got cancer because you did not attend church enough" We don't even share this thought among ourselves. God does not give us cancer he permits it in our lives. It is also my "personal belief" that how we deal with cancer just might tip the scales toward our entrance to heaven.

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