Sense of Purpose

legaljen1969

I appreciate all of you so much. I know I really relied upon your wisdom in the early days of my diagnosis and just after surgery. There were quite a few people who joined around the same time and so many seem to have fallen away.
I know I was very fortunate to have had a pretty good prognosis and a relatively short course of treatment. Yet, no-one here ever made me feel like my journey was "less than."
I have been having a very hard time at work lately. There are some communication issues with my supervisor and some other more troubling issues that I am having to work through and I really cannot discuss all that much with anyone.
Finding the threads today about trying to get this site back up and running has given me a focus and shown me that I do have an outlet, and someone is at least remotely interested in what I have to say. I look forward to working with the rest of you to revive this wonderful group.

Bug

What's going on at work and otherwise? We care and we're listening.

beachbum5817

I am sorry to hear that you are having some difficulties at work. It sure doesn't make going into the office enjoyable. Hopefully, it will improve soon. Keep us posted. Take care.

MarcieB

legaljen, please DO talk to us about anything that is troubling you. work or otherwise. I have noticed we have quite a diverse group here and chances are good that someone will have experienced something that can help. I am so glad you are on board to *float* and help keep things fresh here!

legaljen1969

Okay, my supervising attorney is 83 years old. He is a wonderful person and was very patient with me during my initial diagnosis, surgery and recovery. He is wonderful about "comp time" and has me working remotely on Fridays. He has a long and successful career. His wife also had a fabulous career for many years and was well respected in her field as well (she was in the clothing/retail sales industry). She has retired and really wants him to do the same. They really want to take time to enjoy each other's company and he spends a great deal of time outside of the office now. I really think he needs to retire and enjoy his life as well. I think maintaining his law practice makes him feel vital and important, but he is just not 100% invested in either one- retirement or practice. He has great confidence in me, but has asked me to do some very questionable things lately. He grows more and more short tempered lately- with me, with clients and with his wife. To ask for "clarification" on points is virtually taboo, as he reacts in a way that indicates he thinks I am questioning his judgment. Our community is very small and close knit, so I am hesitant to talk to another local attorney about it for fear it may get back to him that I am concerned. I keep trying to encourage him to consider either bringing in a young associate or perhaps working "of counsel" with a couple of other attorneys. I don't want him to feel embarassed or feel like I am betraying him, but it really has reached the point where I am in fear that he is walking a pretty fine line and may end up with a malpractice claim or a complaint with the bar.

He had one complaint filed against him last year that pretty much stalled out. It resulted from a young lady who was working for us about a year and a half ago and basically did the bare minimum. After a couple of deeds didn't get recorded, we had some upset clients and found out she had never sent them for filing. We thought it was just a couple of deeds and got them recorded right away. I am my attorney's litigation paralegal. Everything I do is e-filed so I have very little "paper" to work with and paid little attention to the real estate side of the house. I now know about SimpliFile and several other e-recording tools that exist. But it is optional to have those in our county. Property records can either be e-recorded or the originals can be sent for recording. Litigation files are now 100% e-filed. The only thing not e-filed is Pro-Se (self represented litigant) pleadings, but those are filed by the Pro-Se party so I don't have to worry with them.

We work in a building with three law firms. One office serves as the central point since we all use the same courier service. We take our documents to their office for the courier to pick up. Each and every day, she went left with the courier envelope, presumably to deliver to the central attorney. Every night, she came back empty handed so I thought she was taking everything and putting it where it belonged. I went up a few times with her to make sure she knew what she was doing. All of those times she put everything where it was supposed to be. After a few issues, I called our title company/courier company to ask why things were being held up. They said they hadn't gotten anything from us in weeks. I tried telling him, after several angry client calls, that something was wrong, but he got very angry with me and told me just to do "my job" and let him worry about the rest of his business. One of them finally told me "I am going to report him to the bar if this isn't resolved." I let him know that the client was very unhappy and was once again told he had looked into it and had matters under control. I knew the client was going to file a complaint, but he was hearing NONE of it.

About a month later, we were served with a case from the Office of Disciplinary Counsel. The very next day, he fired her. I found out then that she had embezzled money as well- writing herself extra paychecks. We got all of the deeds recorded and ended up having to pay a fine, but he escaped by the skin of his teeth on that one.

I just had a feeling there was more bad news. I discovered, in files she had closed, a bunch more deeds that had never been recorded !! Anyhow, he got angry with ME again for going to check on it.

About a week ago, he told me I was disloyal and pointed to the deed debacle as an example. Mind you, he hasn't fired me. I would probably fire an employee I thought to be disloyal. He just doesn't want the hassle of having to find someone new OR to admit he needs to retire. He knows I have not done anything wrong. I am just the focus of his frustration, but it's getting to the point it is taking a serious toll on my mental and emotional health. He interrupts constantly, so emailing is often the best way to get him to focus and reflect. He apologized this morning for calling him disloyal and said he knew how much more trouble he could have been in if I didn't clean up the mess. He said it bothers him that I "question him." I told him I have reached the point where I will always have his back as long as it is legal and ethical to do so, but if it stands to jeopardize my professional reputation or is in any way legally or ethically questionable- he needs he needs to either quit his practice or find someone a lot more shady (I don't actually recommend that. LOL) .

So I am at the point where I feel obligated to babysit our clients to make sure he doesn't XXX up, but since I am not a licensed attorney I cannot do a lot of what needs to be done. I also don't want to be angry with him. I don't want to do anything formal, but I just don't feel he has his eye on the ball any more so to speak.

I know many people with aging relatives who have to worry about "taking the keys" or moving them into a home. That's really hard and I know how much people struggle with that. I feel like even though he is not my relative, I am in a similar situation.

So, there it is.... All the stuff I need to flush. The Friday Floater who needs to FLUSH her troubles. LOL

Bug

First of all, good for you for speaking your truth to your supervising attorney. It can be really hard to speak one's truth - especially to someone in authority. That took guts. I admire you for that.

This is definitely a pickle. It sounds like he is not totally committed to practice or retirement, as you said. That's a hard place to be. I know a few folks who have been in that in-between place and it can be hard on them and the people around them. Retirement can be a big adjustment - especially for someone whose career has been their life.

I don't like that he isn't nice to you. You shouldn't have to put up with abuse. And the "very questionable things" he has been doing lately is concerning.

What would be the ideal situation? Another job? Staying and hoping he'll change (which, as you know, most people don't)? Staying and being reassigned to another attorney? Is there a Human Resources person you can speak to without recrimination?

legaljen1969

Bug, herein lies the biggest "spice bundle" to that pickle. He is a sole practitioner. We used to have a real estate paralegal AND a part time bookkeeper who came in 3 times a week. Our bookkeeper had a stroke about 2 years ago, so we now have a new bookkeeper but she comes in only once a week. Because he doesn't have a real estate paralegal (because the last one- the dishonest girl- pretty much tanked his real estate practice) he is no longer a title insurer and we do no purchaser transactions. We do some minor seller side work for existing clients. We have one other independent contractor (a former paralegal who retired) who comes in to assist him with some special projects now and again but that's sporadic.

There is no other attorney where I can go. We are pretty much a two person team. I am litigation paralegal, estate planning paralegal, office manager, HR, assistant to the building manager (him), lunch fetcher, runner/courier for matters to offices close by. We use the courier service to take things to the county offices, which are about 25 miles away. I have taken things to the county before if they were sensitive matters.

I feel very fortunate that, for the most part, he trusts me a LOT. Sometimes I wish he didn't trust me quite so much. LOL I am very conscientious (a good thing) but sometimes way too hard on myself. The other day someone questioned my notary signature and I completely spun out thinking they were thinking it was a forgery or that I had done something wrong. It turns out they just couldn't read it. Attorney said my handwriting was messy on that document. So I am getting an inked stamp to put on all documents. Most in state documents don't require a raised seal, I have worked on two different cases where there was forgery on a mortgage or deed and the notary has been called upon for depositions and in one case was even added as a party because they believed she didn't properly check ID. I thought was going to lose my a** and have to get an attorney for myself. I was able to call the other paralegal and ask her what the issue was with the signature. She said "You probably just got in a hurry and wrote too fast. Now that I recognize the name, we are all fine."

So basically if I go, he will have no staff. The former paralegal is not interested in resuming a full time role. The bookkeeper has her own business. Lawyer doesn't want to be bothered with interviewing anyone. He would literally shut his doors if I left. Maybe that's good. Maybe that's the answer. However, we have a lot of people depending on us right now.

If I leave, it may be leaving this profession completely. That might not be the worst thing that ever happened. It's not easy to start over at 51 though, but I know it can be done. We shall see what happens.

MarcieB

legaljen, this is a sticky wicket for sure. I wonder if his wife is encouraging him to retire because she knows he is having issues? She would be the one to know. I think the most telling thing is - you are not having fun anymore...am I right? When you stop enjoying your work it really is time to make a change. Didn't you have a couple offers you were considering recently? And I am wondering what your husband thinks about this situation? I am betting he would not be happy to learn someone is calling his wife untrustworthy. (I hope you told your boss that remark hurt your feelings? he shouldn't be allowed to get away with a callous remark like that to someone who has had his back all this time).

Bug

MarcieB, your comment about having fun reminds me of some colleagues I knew who always said when they weren't having fun any longer that they would stop. And they did! That - having fun at work - was a new concept to me. I was raised with the notion that you kept your mouth shut and did your job and were thankful for a paycheck. I grew to realize that being miserable at work wasn't worth it - and it wasn't healthy either.

legaljen1969

Bug, you have no idea how much your comments resonate with me about keeping your mouth shut and being thankful for the paycheck. This job, where I am now, pays VERY well for our area. Living in a resort town, it's pretty unusual to make the money I make. When I talk to friends that do the same job in metropolitan areas, they make almost double what I make and are pretty surprised that I make "so little." Trust me, for this area- it's not "little" at all. And my friends in metropolitan areas don't get to have lunch outdoors beachside at least once a week. LOL

When I interviewed for the job I have now, of course the issue of pay came up. I gave an amount I could not go beneath and my current employer seemed absolutely dumbfounded that anyone with my experience would have worked for that little pay. By moving just over 40 miles difference in locale (from one end of our county to the other) I increased my pay $20K/yr. and that was the increase for the starting pay at my current job. I am probably making almost $30K more than my previous job, and that firm was one of the highest paying firms in the north end of the county.

I don't really know where I will find a job that pays what I am currently making and offers as much flexibility. I know, but at what price, right? Losing my sanity? I expect if I get a new job, I will either need to string together a few part time gigs or work two jobs to make what I am making now. His former paralegal, who does independent work now, has discussed with me many times now why she stayed as long as she did. She was with him for 20 years. She said "He can be a real jerk, but we all stay because we are slaves to the paycheck." It's the truth. I know that makes me sound pretty awful and pretty darn ungrateful, but we all have more than earned our paychecks. That's where things get crazy. He definitely recognizes talent and he pays well for it.

He did apologize for calling me untrustworthy or disloyal. He knew it wasn't true. He does some work with his brother, and his brother recently called me to discuss one of our cases. I didn't know we were supposed to be working on one aspect of the project. His brother was aggravated that I had not done it, until I told him that sometimes my boss doesn't always communicate well with me. I asked his brother to either let me know what we need to do, or to have his paralegal communicate with me about the work division. I think when his brother called him out on not giving me the information, he got upset and I became the target. I didn't say he forgot to tell me or he neglected anything- just that sometimes that he gets caught up in things and doesn't communicate with me. On any given week, by the end of the week he has about 10 draft emails in his box that he started and never sent. He will be wondering why people haven't responded, and I remind him to check his drafts box and often times he sees what happened. I don't send them for him because most of the time they are unfinished and sometimes he has ended up talking to the person or resolving the subject of the email. I now remind him every day to check his drafts.

I really do respect him a lot. I just want to see him happy. It's just scary for me because I see things he does that may end up causing trouble for clients or I see things that may be a problem for him, but I have to tread very lightly. I just don't want this man who has had a long and storied career to go out on a sour note.

I know I have to take care of myself too, and that is hard for me. I have people pleaser personality and have a hard time putting myself "first" for anything, but I have taken small steps. Going outside the office for lunch. Taking my full lunch hour. It just gives me time to exhale and re-focus. I have told him that when I got to the gym, I won't answer my phone because I am usually in some sort of class- Zumba or HIIT training. He wouldn't respect that boundary for awhile and I just started turning off the phone and leaving it in my locker. I ended up having to transfer all of my music to an older phone I don't use anymore except to store music so i can listen when I am on the treadmill or lifting. It's never anything that "important." It's usually something small like asking me to pick up more coffee on the way in to work, or "remember to load the copier paper. He will text me now (he learned how to do it out of necessity. So you can teach an old dog new tricks. LOL) and I acknowledge all texts when I turn the phone back on. I often finish small projects when i get home at night and get things sent out since I do have remote access.

Anyhow, I won't belabor this point anymore. We just have to navigate this thing together and I think I have finally figured out someone to help me start the process getting things "transitioned."

Teachertina

Wow legaljen, sounds like a plate full of worms! Do you have any kind of communication with his wife that would allow you to talk with her over coffee or lunch? Would she tell him if you did? His reluctance to retire sounds familiar. I was a Reading Specialist for 17 of the 30 years I taught school and did other work training new teachers and conducting parent workshops. After my diagnosis and recurring cancer I worked 5 more years and finally realized it was time to retire early. I just couldn’t do it all anymore. It was hard to walk away from my passion and purpose. Your boss probably feels like that too. Has he ever talked about what he wants to do when he retires? Is the shutdown of his business a daunting task that you can assist with? I wish you were not having to stress about all that and the prospect of looking for another job. Glad you shared with us, the venting can help sometimes when there’s no easy solution. Keep us posted, sending hugs.

MLT

Wow! You are an amazing person. Truly sounds like your boss may have dementia. Wonder if he gets his Medicare check ups with Dr. Drawing a clock and time requested is a huge indicator. My PCP explained this to me when I asked why we always drew the same time every year.
Anyway, hoping you get thru this. Don't wreck your health by doing his job, too.

Carool

I’m so sorry you’re in this difficult situation. I can’t add to the great advice given here, but I can empathize with you, in that my last job (17 years there) was in a small organization, and I ended up being very unhappy, and eventually laid off.

Your boss is so fortunate that he has a very principled and caring employee who has his back. Of course, as everyone said, you need to take care of yourself, and he cannot continue his abuse. It sounds as if he may have had a tendency to be harsh even when younger.

Please keep us posted.

MarcieB

legaljen, I may be way off base here, but I am getting the feeling, between your lines, that maybe you are ready for a change? You ARE at that stage of life...just saying, when one questions things and takes stock of their life. Not to mention, you just had a life scare that shook you to your core, it is natural to look hard at your life goals from time to time (heck, I'm still doing it!).

The question may be - how much money do you really need and for what purpose? Only you can answer that. (And there are no wrong answers!) Here is my life experience story - in a nutshell:

My son, my only child was born with a form of muscular dystrophy, he was never able to walk. He had a delightfully brilliant, creative mind, dystrophy does not affect the brain, but he had special physical needs. I was working as an art teacher in a local high school and my husband did manual labor in a steel mill while he finished his education. They were lean years. I continued to work because my mother could care for my son and teacher hours are very good for a family.

When my husband graduated he landed a good job in steel sales, but we had to re-locate. By that time my son was 4 years old and needed care from someone who knew his personal needs. And I didn't know anyone in our new state. My husband and I really looked hard at our situation and decided to make our son the priority. I needed to be home with him - to take him to a Montessori school, his dr. appointments, and countless other things that only people who have been through this would know. We could live on one income if we chose a modest house and second hand cars. So we did. I missed teaching but I was eventually able to take on some leisure time classes at night, when my husband was home, and that supplemented our income. I then discovered I could make money by hand painting glass ornaments and marketing them through specialty shops and fairs. it turned out to be a very nice source of income, but of course, it depended completely on me - what I could make is what determined the $ that came in.

But having my own business, however small, was empowering and fulfilling to me. Yes, I would have made a lot more money if I had continued teaching, but if we had more money, we would have simply had more things. We were able to put my son through college and he became a very good computer programmer whose income kept ME going when his father died.

The point is - we were always happy. We had fun whether it was a trip to Disney World or a chicken barbecue in our backyard. We saved for the big things and enjoyed the small ones while we were waiting. There was a time when I knew my husband was unhappy in his work situation so I supported his decision to find another - which he did and it was the right thing to do.

This is a long story (which you didn't ask for!), but I just want to encourage you to look hard at how you see the rest of your life. If this is your dream job, and you love it, then it is worth getting yourself over the bumps. But, if it is not...only you know. Is there something you always wanted to do? I have a close friend who quit her very lucrative executive secretary job to open a bookstore!
She is not making near as much money, and there are all kinds of challenges, but she once said to me, "When I wake up in the morning and know I am going to my little store, my heart feels happy and I can get right up!"
I think that might be what it's all about?

legaljen1969

@Marcie. You are not off base at all. I got my degree in elementary education, thinking that was a great career for family. Have the same hours as my future kids, have summers off with them, a lot of the typical reasons women might decide to go into teaching. I had started as a sociology major and realized there was basically no money to be made there. LOL It was a great "liberal arts" major but not so much a practical one for real life.

I finished my degree and finished my student teaching. Then I married my military husband and started traveling around a bit. We were alternately stationed at Parris Island, Camp Lejeune and back to Parris Island. I did a lot of substitute teaching and also did tutoring work at a local place that was like a Sylvan Learning Center. I enjoyed the flexibility, but then I didn't have much to do in the summers. I had always wanted to look at working in the legal field, so I started taking paralegal classes. I subbed on some days and took classes on others. Because I had my bachelor's degree, I finished the certificate program in a year. The head of the paralegal program's husband was looking for a new paralegal because the one he had was also married to a military man who was getting moved to California. I went and worked for him as a family law paralegal for about 5 years. He got asked to put his hat in the ring for a judgeship and he ended up getting the appointment. I wasn't able to go with him because it was a state job and there was already someone in the position of his assistant there. It wasn't like a clerkship. I was fine with that because I really loved family law. I had numerous job offers at that time and I selected one with a female attorney who had moved to the area, and was closer to home. She was an excellent attorney and she encouraged me to take more continuing education classes and provided me with a wardrobe bonus when I first got there so I could buy suits to go to Court with her. She was an amazing boss, but she decided to merge with another family law firm. I thought things were going to go well because the firm she decided to merge with was one that had offered me a job around the same time I started working for her. Apparently there were hard feelings that I had gone to work for her instead of them, and I was edged out. I started working in insurance defense- but more related to state agencies and municipal governments- first responders, corrections offers, Dept of Transportation. I learned a LOT in that job and it gave me an increased respect for all that our first responders do and a lot of insight into what it takes to make things run. That attorney retired. I went to work for another attorney doing insurance defense for personal injury and construction defect litigation. A lot more learning. Then I just needed a break from my whole life being about billable hours. I wanted to help PEOPLE again, so left to pursue this (current) job. It has not been exactly what was represented to me when I took it, but the money is good--- even great.

I just miss human interaction. I miss helping people. I miss helping them erase their sadness and giving them a smile. I would give anything to get back into family law, but the family law "bar" has basically changed. The attorneys who were in when I first started are all retiring. I have tried putting out some feelers and have sent a couple of resumes but not getting any takers right now.
I am trying to decide if I even want to stay in the legal field or if I want to re-evaluate.

I have no "talents" to turn into side gigs. I can't paint, draw, sing, play an instrument. Okay I can play piano a little bit for my own entertainment but no-one would pay me to play. In fact, they might throw money my way NOT to sing or play. LOL

Carool

MarcieB, I love hearing about your life and your son and how he’s now able to help you out. And about your bookstore-owner friend.

And about your work history, legaljen.

It’s so important to have work that doesn’t add a lot of turmoil to our already stressed lives.

MarcieB

Aw, Carool, I was misleading. It is very true that my son was able to help me when my husband (his father) died. And that was like things coming full circle, don't you think? But, my son died 6 years later. Muscular Dystrophy is not a fatal disease, of itself, but it causes other conditions, such as difficulty breathing - the diaphragm is a muscle, and when it weakens there are problems. So that is what happened. I remarried two years after losing Bill and my new husband was wonderful to my son. The three of us lived together and my husband helped with things my son needed. It's just what happened. I think I was lucky to have a good partner to lean on when I had to say good-bye to my son (who was extraordinary - you would have loved him, he could do muppet voices - especially good at the Swedish Chef) lol!

Carool

Marcie, I’m so very sorry. You may have mentioned, in a previous comment awhile ago, that your son had died. I just didn’t remember.

I KNOW I would’ve loved him.

I often feel so angry that very decent people die prematurely and human monsters live on and on. But it’s futile to rail against biology (something my partner has to remind me of way too often).

Sending you hugs.