Wimped Out

legaljen1969

I did something the other day I haven't done in a long time. I was in an exercise class- small group personal training. It was high intensity and I was invited in by a neighbor who goes to my gym. The trainer said it was fine too. So I decided to try it out. I wanted to go all in, full throttle. I just couldn't keep up. The trainer said I was doing great, but I was not happy with my performance so I took "a break" for the HIIT (High intensity interval training), but I didn't go back. I haven't just walked out, wimped out, surrendered or given up in a long time. I guess I just wasn't in the right mental state being worried about my dad. My intent was to just do cardio and zone out and process. I tried this to really get my mind off things, but was too distracted. I am so mad at myself for just walking away. I can try again, but I hate giving up and get so embarrassed. The trainer has invited me back to try again. Maybe I will. Right now I feel defeated. UGH. Thanks for reading.

akristine

OK. You've just embraced distraction, anger, hate, giving up, embarrassment, defeat and self-loathing. All of these emotions are valid and temporary. You're tougher on yourself than any other person could be. Now remember who you are and where your power lies. You're fighting invasive ductal carcinoma and you're alive. That makes you a fellow cancer warrior. Warriors fight until they win the war. You've only removed yourself from the battle. You haven't failed. Take a deep breath, look in the mirror and remind yourself what a blessed person you are. Then try again and again and again. You'll succeed: I know it.

Bug

When was the last time you exercised? I exercise regularly but the first class back even after a short break can be really hard. And HIIT is hard work. Anything can throw us off - fatigue, hunger, stress... As you said, you were distracted. Chalk it up to a less-than-stellar workout and move on. That's what I do. Next time will be better. You can do it - really.

JaneA

I haven't been to Silver Sneakers since March - I walk and lift my 5 lb weights but I don't do the cardio part very well - it is "TOO" intense for me. You are not a wimp. Cancer takes a bit from us, and we may not become an athlete again.

legaljen1969

@Bug, I started back with walking just "around" as soon as my doctor cleared me to do so- probably in April. Then, because the gym was closed for COVID, I started back with elliptical and treadmill interval training- more just "fast/slow" intervals. I'm getting better at it. I just haven't done any major strength training in quite awhile. That darn class wiped me out more than I thought it did. I haven't had muscle soreness like that in years. LOL

I just hate walking away from something. I should have just scaled back and gone at my own pace rather than walking out and not going back.

I know I will get back but dang I am so ready. It just brought the year full circle for me and was a reminder of my losses, which I have tried so hard to gloss over. I have tried to think "Hey, it's not that big a deal. I didn't have to do chemo or radiation so it's like the cancer doesn't/didn't even count." I know my battle was not as intense as many, but dang it really did count and that class just hammered it home.

ChildOfGod4570

I know when I was in active treatment, I tired very easily and had to gently ease myself back into exercising. Trust me, you are not a wimp; you're just dealing with so much that you have to focus more on getting better. Exercise will come back as you gradually increase the workouts. Listen to your body; it will tell you what it can handle and when you can increase the workouts. HUGS and God bless.

Lisamoses

Don't be so hard on yourself- the fact that you even gave it a try is a success! Baby steps, try not to compare yourself to others- you got this!!!!!

MarcieB

Don't underestimate the power of distraction - it can rob you of your confidence. I once was a part of a Bell Choir, which I was very proud of because I never learned to read music. I taught myself some basics, learned to count the rhythm, and learned to *hear* my cues. I loved it. But, I suffered a very personal loss, and shortly after that our director enrolled the choir in an intensive workshop. I attended, but my head and my heart were not in it, and that made me feel anxious and insecure. Some of what we were being shown was very difficult and I just could not do it correctly. In frustration I walked out and drove home. To be honest - it freaked me out - I couldn't believe I was giving to it! I look back on it now (it's been years), and I think, "So what?" I mean....SO WHAT? The world went on, MY world went on, and I stuck with that choir which became a great source of satisfaction for me. I was never an outstanding player, but all I really wanted was to hold my own - and I did. I allowed it to temporarily defeat me that one day, but I know why and in the big picture it meant nothing. You know why things didn't come together for you, Jen, but *so what?* (lol!) It's only a part of the big picture.
(if we had the option of inserting *heart* emojis, I would put one here)

KB2013

Starting out in high gear isn’t a good idea for anyone.

andreacha

legaljen 1969 -- Listen to your body. We may not want to hear what it says all the time, but I've never known it to be wrong. Take your time and ease into it slowly.

Teachertina

My daughter is a personal trainer. She advised me to do things in a very careful and comfortable way and to push a bit more each day to maintain strength and flexibility. My gym was closed and is not really good for older people like me right now, so I do interval walking in my neighborhood and weight exercises at home. I’ve gained some weight during the shutdown and now my goal is to get going again and to keep trying to get healthier. I don’t plan on doing any marathons or body building competitions this coming year! Lol! Who knows, maybe next year! Get back on the horse and trot, you can gallop later!