Testing my Positivity

legaljen1969

Over the past couple of days, lots of posts about maintaining a positive frame of mind. I have been trying to do so, but today is testing my patience. When we bought our house in 2004, it was a couple of years old. All of the appliances (builder grade stuff) are reaching the end of their life. In the past week we have had to replace our dishwasher and now our AC is on the blink. We were supposed to go for our anniversary dinner tonight and do something special for our 25th. I had to replace two tires last month. Major scheduled car service, Our long planned vacation to Disney has been delayed due to the resort delaying opening and we haven't been able to get tickets or make park reservations. (This is probably not a disaster at all, but my husband just won't give up on waiting to see if they will re-open).
The AC not working is melting me * Yes, I have called the AC repair place. If I am all hot and sweaty, no special dinner tonight. Ugh. The money tree is out of order now.

JaneA

I totally understand - I just believe that household equipment breaking down is a normal part of life if we are homeowners. But renters experience the same things - my husband was a property manager for a while before he retired, and getting a handyman or a repair man was just as difficult for him to find for tenants.

Try to relax and go with the flow. We have a Lowe's card and can generally get 12-or-18 month financing (no interest if paid in that time period) and just bite the bullet and replace what needs replacing. Honestly, there's nothing else to do but suck it up and replace it. Our house was built in 2004 too, and we have replaced everything in the last 7 years. You have my sympathy because I know exactly how you feel.

legaljen1969

@JaneA, I know it's just part of life. It's just everything that has come down at once. It ended up just being the drain pan was full. We had a guy who does some after hours stuff come and deal with it for a less than usual price. It wasn't as painful as I thought.
It was just really testing me this morning. LOL

legaljen1969

Heat is NOT my friend between just being plain old summer hot, having hot flashes and constant worry that I could have a fever and have contracted "the rona" somewhere by someone not wearing a mask.

GregP_WN

It does seem like when it rains it pours. Hopefully the tide will turn and the good fortunes will start to replace the money pit problems.

beachbum5817

I totally understand your frustration. It always seems like the big things break down when we need them the most, like AC in summer and heat in the cold weather. I have lived my entire life in the northeast, and it gets very humid there. However, I am in NC this summer, and I have never felt humidity like this on a regular basis. I understand your frustration at not having AC. I would be more than frustrated. I am glad that you were able to get if fixed. I hope today is better for you.

legaljen1969

@BeachBum- the humidity down here is what makes the heat so oppressive.
After the AC fix yesterday, things dramatically improved.

omaalyce

I think most of us have been where you are at one time or the other in our lives. When we buy our homes we don't realize that most of our appliances will probably be replaced all around the same time. We just replaced our washer and dryer for the 2nd time in the 16 years we have lived here. The house was built in 1997 so we have been replacing this and that over the years.

I agree the heat is not my friend. I grew up in New Jersey and loved the beach but can no longer tolerate it due to the heat here in Florida. Walking in the sand is brutal on my neuropathy and I find the best time for me to go to the beach is early morning or at dusk. I just can't tolerate it like I use to.

Disney World is reopening today but to be honest with the virus and protests I am not in a hurry to go there. It's so hard knowing what to do during these times. You can call the resorts and ask if they have had corona virus cleaning-seriously there is such a thing.

Our granddaughter is finally having her High school graduation on the 26th and we have made the decision to go. We will be driving 13 hours straight through to Missouri because my husband is so worried about my catching the virus-he's so sweet. He wants to pack food so we only make bathroom breaks but no restaurants. We are staying at an airbnb close to my daughter's, no hotels, again due to his concern. It will be a strange adventure but we just feel we have to be there.

Hang in there my dear, this too will pass, just another one of those bumps on the road during very strange times. Have a wonderful day!

Bengal

Since I was diagnosed it seems it has been a steady stream of crises. I don't want to have to deal with this stuff but what choice have we. Just after the start of the pandemic crisis my hot water heater went up. Had to get a new one and have someone come into my house to install it.

Most recently 1) we have been having a horrible drought and heatwave here (highest, day before yesterday - 104, unheard of at this location). Anyway, driving home from running errands I suddenly realized the "air conditioned " air coming from my vents was hot!. Oh, yea. 2) The following morning, after having filled the horse's water tank and watered desperate plants around the,years and patio, I went to wash dishes. NO WATER! In both cases the crisis turned out to be not so bad. Air conditioning needed recharging, after resting awhile and allowing the water level to restore itself the pump started pumping water again. Thank goodness.

But, yes, it does seem sometimes when we're at our lowest the fates think it's funny to just keep piling on.

TerriL

We've been having the same sort of issues. We had to replace our stove a month ago. Then we had a microburst this week during the monsoons that removed our entire patio roof, posts and all! It flung the roof three houses down, the posts flew over our house and smashed our fence. It could have been a lot worse, since it missed our AC unit and the power lines. I don't know how many shoes are left to drop! However, I am in remission and hubby and I are healthy, so God is good!

legaljen1969

Sounds like many of you are on the same appliance replacement schedule. It just gets tight sometimes. Our hot water heater died a few years ago. Our electric cooperative has a program where you can buy through them and they have someone install and you just pay a little extra on your bill for a couple of years. It really saved us. When our washer and dryer had to be replaced, we got them from my grandmother’s house. She had practically brand new because she got new ones about a year before she went to assisted living. We had been very fortunate to get nearly new appliances from family members or my supervising attorney after he and his wife just built a new house. They sold us a nice refrigerator from their former house.
This time it was just all crazy at once. I know things could do a lot worse. I was just frustrated.

GregP_WN

Yesterday, during a round of thunderstorms, we got 5 inches of rain over the course of the day. We live in a basement house with a flat rubber roof. It's the same type of roof that many commercial buildings have on them.

The storm blowing pulled up a section on the front of the house just enough to let the water run under it. So we heard water dripping in the ceiling. Water leaked enough to damage three or four sections of drywall. It's always something.

Bengal

Oh, no, Greg. Why do these things always seem to happen at the least convenient time? OK, is there ever a convenient time? But you sure don't need to be dealing with a leaking roof right now. Bummer.

LiveWithCancer

Ugh! Sorry, Greg!!! We were in the middle of having the house painted and repaired when Robert had his stroke. We have a bunch of undone and half-finished work. I know it is frustrating!

BoiseB

Jen, I have long said that "positivity is overrated. There are times when spending energy trying to be positive results in failure and more negativity. I strive to be neutral then I can focus my energy on the problem. You have enough problems without worrying about attitude. Analyse each of your problems then make several plans for each and act on the plans

meyati

Legal Jen I decided a long time ago that trying to be positive only causes stress-- I think that some nurses came up with that because they didn't want to hear about the AC.

Who are these people that think they can judge your positivity, and if you are positive enough? Am I grateful? YES-----but I have the right to complain or look sad--be irritated. I like to kick things- slam doors. I do not kick my coonhounds- I want to make that clear.

Those twits told me that I had to find a good psychological help book--youall know what I mean. I found my GURU and book.

She was going out to her car one night, about 2 weeks after her best friend was murdered there. These 2 dudes walk up to her and grabbed her purse. She smashed him in the face with a hard cover science text book- those corners can cut. Then she raked her high heels down the leg of the other and she was screaming. They ran away and she was throwing things at them. She also kicks walls, slams doors, etc. I showed that book to the "BE POSITIVE" people at the cancer clinic, and they quit bothering me.

Just be what you are. and try to get rest.

BoiseB

Thumbs up Meyati. I always say you can't start a truck in high gear, you have to put in neutral. Don't let any attitude define who you are.

legaljen1969

@Meyati, well I know who I am coming to if I ever need someone to administer a good old fashioned ***kicking. LOL

I am sure that you would never kick your dogs. Don't worry about anyone thinking you would do such a thing. You are clearly an animal lover and advocate. Your pups are just beautiful.

I try to get my frustration out at the gym. Don't worry. We are practicing really good social distancing and I walk around with a container of disposable antibacterial wipes too. (They do provide sanitizing spray and towels for us as well). In any case, I decided to try to get back to doing some lifting and some other gym training. I was doing really well before my mastectomy and I had gotten some good definition. The other day I was doing some rowing with like 40 lbs (that was about my normal weight pre-surgery). It went really well. No soreness. My doctor had cleared me a while back to go back to the gym, but then the world shut down for a few months.
At that time, literally about 6 weeks post surgery, she had advised maybe about 10 pounds at the very most. Well, now I am about 5 months out from surgery so I figured things were pretty healed. So I had my appointment with my doctor the next day and she says "Yeah you are fine to do a little lifting but no more than about 10 pounds." Ummm..... So I am going to have to work on some other ideas. I guess resistance bands and stuff like that will have to work. I won't be gaining any muscle mass but I guess I can live with it. I can just find some good tunes and trance out on the treadmill for now.

Like I said, that particular day was just testing my patience.

LiveWithCancer

I have a completely different attitude than meyati or BoiseB. I ALWAYS try to look on the bright side of life. It isn't difficult at all and I have done it my entire life.

I much prefer to be at peace and joyful to being angry. My life hasn't been easy at any time, really, but it has still been filled with many, many blessings. I focus on the blessings, the positive. If i ever find myself going down the negativity path, i will not allow it to continue. Nor do i spend time around those who prefer to be negative. It is one reason i got off of FB a few years ago. Too much hate and vitriol for me.

Everyone makes their own choices. Mine is to be happy. At peace. With little stress. And, because i have "practiced" looking toward the positive for most of my life, it now comes naturally to look toward the positive, regardless of the situation. (Of course, with that said, you can make me a liar by pointing out my negative attitude toward the care my huband received at the hospital after his stroke.)

meyati

Live with---I can do several things--- If something doesn't work out, I often say--there is a reason that happened that way-and I go about my way. It seldom bothers me, and sometimes somethings happens where I can see that was for the good. Sure, I get mad, but I get over it instead of carrying it around like a burden.

I had that cancer on my face for at least 28 years. I kept trying to have it removed, but surgeons refused-poo-poo-ed it- too small not painful-- things like that. It was finally biopsied, and in less than a week cancer tumors were under my nose and around my lips. -they looked like marbles under my skin popped out all over. That was 2012.

Several weeks ago- Yahoo listed skin cancers-with a new type of BCC--they had a picture that looked like mine. it looked like a pimple that was ready to pop, but it never popped. They said it was a dangerous form of BCC, get into a doctor if you have a pimple that won't pop in 3 or 6 months. Boise I went to all of those doctors, I had their names, they had records of how I sat naked for dermatology students. Every so often, I get an update of what the labs are doing to those things.

I would be very happy if that never had happened to me. Who wouldn't be unhappy, mad? I complained to everyone that I had it at least 28 years--blah, blah--I was mad, but the different doctors got curious about that- and they kept bugging the labs. I am hoping that others can get their pimple like BCC off before it becomes deadly.

Then there is another thing, sure I sometimes get really mad, but I don't carry grudges, which weigh a person down to pessimism-unhappiness. I don't forget, but it was in the past

I'll complain right now. My doctors said-- you need a shrink--I asked why---they kept saying nobody can go through what you have without being bitter, but you say that you are OK. You are lying. You aren't facing up to the truth. That's one reason I don't believe too much in their referrals or advice. For them-you need mental counseling if you are content, you need counseling if you aren't content. I tell them to leave me alone- I tell god my problems He or she knows about them, and sometimes I tell god that he made a mistake, as I am not as strong as he thinks I am..

I am the one running my ship. I know when to call for help. I think that I know when to drop my anchor or drift. meanwhile, Nobody has the right to say that I'm not fighting enough or that I'm not positive enough-- they aren't mind readers.

I sleep well-well not right now, fireworks have been going off for 3 weeks now. My hounds get nervous- and I am starting to get cranky. MY BP is in range, I have a good appetite, I don't have diabetes. I have a nice bed, a roof over my head, most of my family likes me.

Tomorrow, I'm going to my ENT. March 29, my head felt like it was kicked pretty good in the left ear. It sounds like a jet engine is setting in my ear. I don't hear too good in that ear. I think that something happened where flesh grew and covered up my ear canal. It does hurt all of the time, and it feels heavy. I keep forgetting and I pick up the phone and put it up to that ear, so I can write with my right hand. I am happy that my family doctor got a good antibiotic to me in a few hours, so it didn't get infected. I wish that it didn't happen. Sometimes I feel stupid and frustrated because I hear mumbling and some words- and I'm saying-say that again. Then I realize the phone is on the wrong ear. Then I apologize, but I doubt that I'm negative-pessimistic. I'm not crying-haven't been crying. My ear is like the sun or the wind-- it is just is. My ear doesn't stop me from seeing humming birds and watering my flowers.

BoiseB

For me peace is being neither happy or sad. I feel that happiness is over rated and it takes a lot of effort. I also find that for me happy equals bored. I try to surround myself with an equal balance of Pollyannas and Debbie Downers. But when things get tough it's the Downers I turn to. I am neither positive or negative. I am just neutral. Not many of us around today but the Greeks had a whole philosophy about them. They were the stoics. Trekkies have said that I must be related to Spock
Meyati, now you are scaring me. I have a several bumps that itch like furry. some are on my forehead. I have thought they were just warts. Three of them are on my forehead and we are not supposed to touch our face during the pandemic.
I don't have Basal Cell skin cancer. I have Squamous skin cancer which is more closely related to my esophageal cancer than to Basal Cell cancer. I should really see my Dr. But I am the world's worst Procrastinator I can't get motivated.

meyati

I'm ready to go to the ENT....I'm glad that you don't have eczema or angioedema. My lips, nose, eyelids, cheeks just keep itching no matter how many Benadryl pills I take. a day.

I always said it didn't bother me inside my mouth, When I saw my dentist in May-- I let her know that I wasn't infectious. just eczema. When she sprayed in my mouth, the spray set off an eczema itching in my throat. She didn't do anything wrong but it tickled my throat. This can be so aggravating. I'll talk to you later. I don't know of any cancer that's itchy. It is probably dry skin thing.

BoiseB

Good luck at the ENT

meyati

My ear is OK--ENT had a hard time looking into it, but it's fine. I lost hearing- and that's it. Now I don't need to worry. I'll see him next year.