Procedure or Surgery | Double Mastectomy

Lyssa

My mastectomy at first went well. Then again with doctors this surgeon took my drainage tubes out too early and did not prescribe antibiotics. I then got a terrible infection in my left breast that became very infected. I ended up in the hospital for strong antibiotics and another surgery now my chest looks awful like I had an autopsy done. Almost 4 weeks now and I still have drainage tubes in and staples all over my breast. It's hard to not feel FEAR and anxiety attacks linked to my treatments. I pray every day that the good Lord will see me through all this torcher, and I will once again be LISA SEWELL as the original Lisa seems to be long gone.

cak61

A lot of us here can relate to not feeling like the same person as before cancer. It is a life changing experience for sure.
I experienced panic attacks for a long time after treatment, but they gradually subsided over time. Ask about meds if you need them to get you through this.
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope you feel better soon.

MarcieB

Yesterday a close friend sent me flowers for my upcoming birthday. They came in a box from the same company she used to send me flowers to cheer me during my chemo treatments. It was a loving gesture, but seeing that box of flowers sent me right back to that sad time and it has been almost three years. I think these unexpected flashbacks are emotional ambushes that are going to be a part of our story now.

I have a friend who also experienced great difficulty with infection after her mastectomy. She ended up back at the hospital two more times, and her recovery was slow. But, it is behind her now and she looks and feels great. I hope you are past the worst of it and can feel better soon.

Carool

As cak61 and MarcieB said, cancer changes us, physically, mentally, and emotionally. As time passes, many start feeling better, but it does take time, and it can be scary.

I’m glad you found WhatNext. Please watch for the daily Digest for updates to comments to your questions.

I hope you feel much better soon.

Carool

MarcieB, happy mirthday, when it comes!

legaljen1969

Lyssa, I am so sorry you are having such a rough time of it. As all of the others have said, it is not unusual that cancer changes you. Let me tell you this. It's not unusual or bad to be sad, mad or confused when things are going badly. They are emotions. We all have them and shame on anyone who tries to deny them to you.
Sometimes we feel thankful, resilient, and joyful that we are still on the winning side- that is alive and able to receive treatment. I know treatments can be really difficult and it sounds like that has been the majority of your experience. I hate that for you.
I think 2020 defined "new normal" for all of us. There seems to be a demarcation line between Pre-COVID and After COVID came into our lives. There really is no going back. Our world will never been quite the same again. The year of 2020 was one I hoped would be one of my best- the year I was 50 and the year I celebrated my 25th anniversary. Well, I was 50 and I still had my 25th anniversary, but none of it felt celebratory. Fighting cancer in a COVID world felt like anything but victory. In December 2019, I found out I had cancer and my treatment started in January 2020. To further accentuate the change, my first oncology appointments were on December 31st- proof positive that life as I had known it was about to change. That my "before" was ending on December 31, 2019 and my "new normal" was going to move forward starting January 1. It all felt like a losing battle. Now, after time to reflect, here are my positive takeaways.
1. A lot of the "stuff" in my life doesn't matter so much any more.
2. Fighting cancer during COVID gave ME a chance to deal with it on my own terms and my WhatNext friends became my tribe, my community. I didn't have to deal with all of the "just be positive" people. I was making friends who knew the drill.
3. The entire world was grieving a pre-COVID world so I feel like I got to transition into my "new life" with the rest of the world. Everyone was having a rough time, so when I felt out of sorts- so did everyone else. For different reasons, but still...
It feels really crummy not to feel like the "original" you.
But here is my take- you are still the "original"- the unique you- feelings, struggles, wins, losses and all that makes you YOU.
We are all here for you- whatever version of YOU is present on any given day. The mad, sad, confused, hopeful, resilient.... whatever Lyssa you are on any given day.

Carool

I join legaljen in saying we are here for you, Lyssa.

petieagnor

Welcome to WhatNext.
I agree with Carool. Cancer changes us, in more ways that I'm learning every day. I've been on chemo for 5 1/2 yrs now, just to keep my cancer at bay. It's hard emotionally to keep a positive outlook/attitude.
I agree that there is always a fight. Sometimes, it is with the doctor over treatment. I question everything; keep a detailed log; seek second opinions; take care of self first; find other options if needed.
I wish you the best of luck on your journey.