Off the Rails

legaljen1969
legaljen1969 Member Posts: 763
edited April 2021 in General Cancer
Okay, this site has gone completely off the rails. I feel certain it is because of a comment that was read and received in a manner that was not at all what was intended. Nonetheless, we are where we are.

I feel that my presence here is more toxic than the most offensive chemotherapy. I am not saying this because I am hurt or offended or mad at anyone's reaction to anything I have posted. However, I have been approached and notified that some people are very upset with me and feel that I have single-handedly destroyed this site. That was NEVER my intention.

The decision has been made that I must exit this forum. I am so sorry for my insensitivity to others. It was never my intention to make insensitive remarks, but words have consequences and I must face them.

I value all of you and appreciate all I have learned. Thank you to those who see that I am not an unkind person. Perhaps foolish, but not intentionally unkind. I hope you all find common ground.

Comments

  • Carool
    Carool Member Posts: 787
    edited April 2021
    OMG. legaljen, I really hope you don’t leave! No one should’ve said to you that your presence is toxic. Anyone who is so upset by what you’ve said can block you. I’ve blocked someone.

    PLEASE stay. I hope my comments to you didn’t hurt you. I know you are a good person. We are all allowed to have our opinions on anything, as long as we don’t say horrible things to or about each other or groups of people.

    I’ve liked most of your posts and comments and found them useful. I know others have, too. Please don’t leave.
  • Teachertina
    Teachertina Member Posts: 205
    edited April 2021
    What!? You should not be leaving! You are a valuable resource here for many of us and have the right to say whatever you want. I don’t know what someone said to hurt you, I hope I didn’t say anything to upset you. Don’t let anyone get to you like that!
  • MarcieB
    MarcieB Member Posts: 528
    edited April 2021
    Don't let them win, Jen. Stay with us and be your delightful self!
  • Molly72
    Molly72 Member Posts: 227
    edited April 2021
    We don't know who approached you, and certainly are upset by that. I think you need to address that particular person and let them know your distress with them.
    I also know you are pretty strong & need to stay that way. So reconsider leaving, that
    would only let "them" win.
  • Carool
    Carool Member Posts: 787
    edited April 2021
    I agree 100% with everyone here. And this person who said to you what was said should depart, not you. What a nasty thing that person, whoever it is, said!

  • andreacha
    andreacha Member Posts: 196
    edited April 2021
    Forgive my stupidity, but how can any member of our community contact you? We don't have each other's contact info!! Yes, please reconsider and stay. This site wouldn't be what it is without you. Are you saying WhatNext contacted you on another's behalf?? I'm very upset if this is the case.
  • legaljen1969
    legaljen1969 Member Posts: 763
    edited April 2021
    @Andreacha, I wanted to respond to you quickly. Then I’m out again. I set up an email to communicate off WN. I had posted it on someone’s wall. It’s fine for anyone to use it. At least I know it has come from this group. Anyhow, I’m just hoping my departure will bring peace. If I’m at all the reason this site has ceased activity, then it is best I go.
  • andreacha
    andreacha Member Posts: 196
    edited April 2021
    As far as I'm concerned you ARE a valuable contributor. I always look for your posts. I have to respect your decision but there will be a huge missing piece to our community. Our nearly ceased activity has nothing to do with you. It falls upon all of our
  • andreacha
    andreacha Member Posts: 196
    edited April 2021
    legaljen1969 - I got cut off. As I started to say, the decrease in activity falls upon all of our shoulders, including mine. The radiation has really started to affect me so much so that I had to stop my chemo (until my blood work improves), and I have been unable to contribute. I'm on the site nearly each day but I can't stay on for any length of time. It's NOT you.
  • MarcieB
    MarcieB Member Posts: 528
    edited April 2021
    andreacha, I am distressed to hear how your treatment is making you feel. I don't think I understand? Were you doing chemo and radiation at the same time? I can't imagine that being easy on anybody?

    As for what is happening on this site, I agree it could not be legaljen to blame! She was one of the faithful ones who kept things going. Here is the best I can figure - before the Easter holiday, we were all getting either a daily digest, notifications, or both? Some of us, myself, Carool, and legaljen made an agreement to post at least once a week to keep conversations flowing and fresh, and that was working pretty well...for a week. Then Easter Sunday there was a post which involved celebrating the holiday and another poster took offense and said so. Legaljen and I defended the original post. A few days later the poster, who was opposed to Easter, actually insulted another poster and Legaljen and I called her out for it.

    After this it all changed. Daily Digest and all notifications stopped, and so has our site - pretty much. I don't know what was communicated to legaljen, but if that little dust-up is the cause for a slow down here, then I am just as much to blame. I called out the offensive poster too, and I will tell you right now, I would do it again. This was never intended to be a place of judgement and criticism. It needs to be a place where we can come for advice and support.

    I don't know what the problem is with the notifications, but if they don't quickly resume I am afraid we will just fade away? Lots of people have said they simply pull up the site and look for new questions, but I know a lot of people, myself included, need to see a notification to prompt me to look at the site. I do a lot of things, through email, so if I don't see the notification I can easily let the days pass without going there. It is also discouraging to check and see that nothing has changed in 3-4 days, maybe longer.

    We can't be Greg. But, we were honestly trying to step in and encourage more participation and it seemed to be working - until Easter. I don't know what was communicated to legaljen, and I am so sorry she was targeted when she was only trying to help. And I am disappointed that we don't have more information as to how this site works and who is responsible for what? I have contacted Colby and I know others have too, but I don't think we have gotten clear, directive answers?

    Thank you for your response, Andreacha. It takes a lot of energy to participate here (or anywhere) when you are not feeling good. I will pray that your blood work improves so you can get it all behind you. How much longer to you anticipate being in treatment? Most of all, I pray you will come away from your treatment restored and on your way back to good health. We, on this site, are the people who know it can happen. :-)
  • andreacha
    andreacha Member Posts: 196
    edited April 2021
    MarcieB - Thank you for your good wishes and prayers. Thank you so much as well for your explanation of what has occurred. It is appreciated. I have never received a notification in the years since I've been on this site!!! I appear to be checked off to received them. After today's radiation I have 21 more' 34 total and missed one due to their internet breakdown. I had a friend who had breast cancer and only has 19 Her stage may have been smaller than mine (3) don't recall. Today would have been my 3rd Chemo treatment but couldn't have it. I think there are to be 10 more at least. On the positive side my 2 shots of Nutugen (?) a week apart have kicked my WBC's butt. I'm up to my 2.2. Whoopie!! My platelets have dropped to 71. Got another shot today. We have tentatively scheduled chemo for next week. I hope and pray that WhatNext will make a public (us) response to Legaljen1969's plight. SHE and WE deserve it.
  • legaljen1969
    legaljen1969 Member Posts: 763
    edited April 2021
    I don't even know if anyone can see anything I write anymore. I posted an update to share a few things, but in case no-one can see it- here it is.

    I have decided that life is too short to withdraw from people and to deprive myself of people I love just to “possibly” make someone else comfortable. We all have the right to take up space in the world. None of us need to shrink.
    Yes, we can all learn a little more about how to be kind to others. I agree if someone makes you feel uncomfortable, you should tell them and allow them to react. Sometimes you’ll find the reaction palatable and other times not.
    If I have pushed too far and made someone uncomfortable, that was not my intention. I appreciate people who broaden my world view. I don’t appreciate people who force me to live in the box they created for me.
    We are all grown ups here. All dealing with grown up issues.
    I plan to stay and enjoy my friends here. If differences can be overcome, cool. If understanding can be achieved, great. I will not, however, be made to feel less than over some perceived slight that someone won’t explain or allow a different point of view.
    I’m pretty straightforward. If I mean to offend you, I can promise you won’t have to wonder. If you’re “wondering” if I mean to be mean, I don’t. If you think "maybe she's just culturally insensitive or chose her words poorly" that is probably the case. If I am being unkind, my word choices will leave no doubt.

    I don't have any premeditated unkindness in mind. I don't intend to unload on anyone here. Don't be worried about that.

    I just hope we can all proceed forward.
  • legaljen1969
    legaljen1969 Member Posts: 763
    edited April 2021
    Andreacha, I am sorry you are having so much unpleasantness with your treatments right now. That sounds really tough. I hope things go in a more positive and pleasing direction soon. We all love you and wish the best for you.
  • Carool
    Carool Member Posts: 787
    edited April 2021
    legaljen: YAY! Very glad you decided that.

    andreacha, I join everyone in sending you hugs (six feet apart - LOL) and good wishes with your treatments. BTW, for my early-stage breast cancer I had to have 33 radiation treatments, but maybe your friend’s b.c. was even earlier, and maybe the protocol has changed.

    Marcie, thank you for what you said. That critical person sounds very angry. As I said before, we all used to wish each other happy [various religious holidays], and we understood (and continue to understand) that we don’t have to be members of that religion to wish its members joy (or the appropriate emotions) on that day. We don’t have to believe in anything. That poster can leave if uncomfortable with anything people say here.

    I’ll now do what I said I’d do: post a Friday question, even though it’s late in the day.

  • Molly72
    Molly72 Member Posts: 227
    edited April 2021
    All of a sudden, today, April 27, I received 16 emails notifying me of "LIKES" on messages from weeks ago!
  • legaljen1969
    legaljen1969 Member Posts: 763
    edited April 2021
    Molly, I got a whole bunch of emails notifying me of "likes" too. LOL I had to turn my phone off.
  • Teachertina
    Teachertina Member Posts: 205
    edited April 2021
    I got them too, wondered what happened? Glad the likes finally made it though, lol!
  • MarcieB
    MarcieB Member Posts: 528
    edited April 2021
    it is driving me crazy! And I am feeling so fickle - first I complain about NO notifications...now I am complaining about this! Lol! I am hoping when the system gets *caught up* we will be back to normal.
  • Carool
    Carool Member Posts: 787
    Marcie, I feel the same way! I hope that once we’re all caught up on old notifications, things will go back to normal.

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