Mindful Monday

legaljen1969

"Sometimes you just need to talk about something, not to get sympathy or help, but just to kill its power by allowing the truth of things to hit the air." - Karen Salmansohn

I think a lot of us come here just to let our troubles hit the air. It's very powerful just to let whatever swirls in your troubles out so you can make room for hope.

Bug

I like that expression - "hit the air". I feel that way a lot. I just need to get things *out*. Someone (I *think* it was Maya Angelou but please don't quote me on that) said, "People just want to be heard." I wholeheartedly agree. I think if more people felt "heard" there would be fewer problems in this world - on many levels.

legaljen1969

@Bug, you are very right. If more people felt "heard" I think there would be fewer problems in the world. I' m trying to remember that as this world continues to turn upside down over the past year. A lot of the really bad things that have happened are because people didn't feel like their concerns were being heard. A lot of people decided to make themselves "seen" because they were not being "heard."
Another of my favorite sayings is "God gave you two ears and one mouth so you can listen twice as much as you speak." I know it seems like I "speak" a lot (type a lot), but I try to read/listen a lot too.
It's sort of like a pressure cooker. It just builds and builds and builds. If you don't give it space and time to release, it could be dangerous.

Teachergirl

legaljen1969 I love that statement. I think sometimes we may not even realize that we need to be heard until our feelings "hit the air." Often, people want to help others and don't realize that it's okay to just listen, and I love your other statement as well!. Offering reasons why something may have happened can invalidate a person's experience or feelings. Bug, I agree that if more people felt heard there would be fewer problems. People also have to respect what they hear as a concern from others. Doing a remote problem-solving group with 7th graders who have significant trauma in their lives, the teacher was insistent that a student turn her camera on. The student respectfully said, "I will have it on tomorrow. My house isn't calm today." The teacher responded, "That's fine but I need you to turn the camera on." The student replied, "I hate it when you say you listen to us. All you hear are the words." It was a powerful statement. I almost left this site last week but I am glad I didn't. The things we continue to learn from each other are so important. Thanks.

MarcieB

Teachergirl, thank you for posting that amazing example. "From the mouths of babes..." indeed. What we have to say is so much more than words. I am thankful to be mindful of this today. (and hopefully tomorrow, and the next day - until it becomes what I do.)

legaljen1969

@Teachergirl. I hope I wasn't the reason you wanted to leave last week. My written words were not coming across very well last week and they all seemed to read "mean."

I can only imagine how students feel right now with teachers seeing their homes. I have talked to a couple of kids in my neighborhood who really get upset with their teachers insisting that the camera is on. Why do teachers "need" for them to have the camera on? Participation? Assurance the student is there? I am asking to learn, not asking to be contrary. I just don't know how you all manage this online stuff. I know several students who go to a friend's house and they all just sit in different rooms and "pretend" to be at home if their homes are not "calm."

I think it is interesting that the teacher was doing a remote problem solving with students who have experienced trauma, but when the teacher insisted on having the camera on- it would seem maybe the student felt like his or her boundaries were not respected. I can see why the student would say "I hate it when you say you listen to us. All you hear are the words." That's a major problem these forums too. All we see is the words. We can't read the joy, the laugh, the smile, the tears, the anger, the sadness, the trauma, the eye roll with a sarcastic or off the cuff remark. SO we are often left to only respond to the way our heart is ready to receive the remark- especially with no way to see the person or have any other context.

Anyhow, if I was the problem- I definitely apologize.

Teachergirl

legaljen1969 I didn't think your words last week came across as mean. You were trying to be helpful. Print is a hard thing to read emotion and feeling from I totally agree. But, we learn from each experience. Lol, I feel like if we ever had a conversation we could talk for hours!

The teacher was angry with me because I thanked the student for being brave enough to share her feelings. You are exactly right! We need to respect the student's boundaries. These students come to school and it's their safe place. With virtual learning, they have no escape from their environment, and now they have to share that environment with others including their peers. Without a camera on you know a student is participating if they answer a question or when you call their name (some of our kids use the chatbox so no one hears the fighting going on in the house.) If the student doesn't answer in some format, you can assume they either walked away or more often, fell asleep. When you respect their boundaries in this situation they prove to be honest and tell you the next day (I fell asleep, I walked away because I couldn't pay attention, my mother was upset, etc.) I've told the kids, if you are feeling unsafe in your home when we are online with you, rapidly flash the "raise hand" 3 times, stop and do it again." I've come to understand that the insistence by the teacher to have a student's camera on is due to their own anxiety ( wanting to know who is watching them.) I suggested the teacher use the same raise hand principle. Explain to the kids that she misses them all, is worried about them, and gets anxious. Ask them to "blink" the camera on (3-second blink on) if she uses the rapid raise hand. Thankfully, we return to half-day in-person instruction on Monday and I have lots of kid hugs to give out!!!!

legaljen1969

@Teachergirl, I am so impressed with how innovative teachers have become. You have a great system for your students to let you know if they feel unsafe or uncomfortable. People always seem to think kids would rather not be in school, but for many it’s their safe space. It breaks my heart for these kids.
You teachers are definitely to be commended.

Carool

Late to Monday but very glad I got here. I so appreciate what everyone is saying here.

I didn’t at first understand about the teacher’s insisting that the student turn her camera on, but then I read more.