Thankful Thursday

Bug

Hi, everyone! It seems like its been a while since we did a Thankful Thursday post. I'm thankful for two things that happened over the last week. On Thursday of last week my husband got his first dose of the vaccine. On Monday I had my annual breast MRI and found out today that the results are all good. What are you thankful for today?

beachbum5817

Bug, I am so glad that you got a good report from your breast MRI. I am just thankful that another week has passed without any major problems for me. Now if we could just stop having snow, I would be very thankful.

Jayne

I just moved my mother and step dad (90 and 97) out of their home and into assisted living last week.. My mom has been struggling with dementia and was so upset about leaving her home that she made a very difficult situation worse. We had to streamline her house down by 1/4 of what she previously had and take her car away. She was crying and fighting with me over everything, I felt like the world's worst daughter. After spending another day cleaning out her house, I realized just how difficult it must have been for her to try and keep up with everything and that we, as a family made the right decision. I am so grateful to have gotten them into a safer environment where the meals, housekeeping, laundry and medical services are provided. Even though she is not happy with the decision (yet), I feel peace knowing they are safe, fed and medically attended to at this stage in life.

JustForToday

My friend of 50+ years died on February 2. She was kind, brave and shared openly to help me through my cancer treatment. I miss her. I choose to be thankful today because she is no longer suffering.

Jayne, it was heartbreaking for us when we moved our mom into assisted living due to dementia. She asked us not to take her back every time we would take her out for some fun times. This went on for 4 months. On her birthday, she was treated like a queen during the day. When we got off work, we took her out for the evening. That day she gave me the best present: she asked to go back to the assisted living home. She had formed a friendship with one of the caregivers there and it made all the difference in the world. I hope you and your parents are equally blessed.

JaneA

I had my first dose of the COVID vaccine two weeks ago and have a confirmed appointment for the second one. AND my lab work, including tumor marker, was totally normal. Scans coming up in April.

Bug

Thank you, beachbum!

Jayne and JustForToday, we moved our mom into an assisted living facility, too. It was heartbreaking for us as well. I remember the agony of taking her there but also wanting her to be safe. Jayne, I hope your parents become okay with it. JustForToday, I'm so glad your mom bonded with one of the caregivers. That is indeed a blessing.

JaneA, congratulations on the vaccine and the lab work! Great news on both.

Carool

Bug, thank you for this Thankful Thursday.

I’m glad to know the good news that was posted here.

JustForToday, I’m so sorry for your loss. A fifty-year friendship is rare, and I can understand how especially hard it is to lose someone after so many years.

I’m thankful that my partner and I were able to get the first vaccine last Friday; we got the Pfizer, and we’ll get the second vaccine the end of this month.

Teachertina

Last week my husband had I got our first shot and are scheduled for the second soon. So thankful for those like us who have gotten it. I also had a skin area that was deemed non cancerous today. Thankful again! Hope we all can keep the good news coming! Hugs to all of you!

legaljen1969

I missed "Thankful Thursday" but I will piggyback off of some of you.
1. I am thankful for all of you and your encouragement.
2. I am thankful for the good news that some of us have gotten lately.
3. I am thankful for good doctors to help us fight this battle when we are in the middle of our "combat." Peacetime is great too.
4.I shared some thankfulness on Wednesday about my breast form cost share being written off.

As to @Just for Today- I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Long time friendships like that are so very precious.

I have some thoughts about the assisted living situations as well, but will chime back in a little later. Just got called to come to my office for an urgent matter. Almost made it through the "work at home Friday" with no wrinkles.

legaljen1969

So I didn't like my previous post.

The transition between independent and assisted living is so different for everyone. Some people accept needing assistance more readily than others.

My paternal grandmother decided to go into assisted living around the age of 85. She just knew it was getting to be too much for her to do things on her own and walk up and down stairs. She was very aware when she started forgetting things. She got a little lost one day in an area she was not completely familiar with anyhow, but it frightened her a bit and she decided to go ahead and make herself safe. I also strongly suspect her ease to move to a place with more assistance had a lot to do with the fact that she was the youngest child in her family of 7 siblings. Also, when she remarried in her 50's, she married a federal judge. They had housekeepers, cooks, gardeners and even a driver. So she got used to the pampered life. I think she was just fine with accepting a little "assistance."

My maternal grandmother held out a little longer. She was the oldest of 9 children and fiercely independent. She lived in a large 2 story home. Her knees had gotten pretty bad and it was getting harder for her to walk without a cane or walker. While I was home for a couple of weeks when my parents were on a cruise overseas, I took my grandmother out for lunch and she announced that she thought it was time to go to assisted living. She had several friends in the facility where she wanted to go. She was 90 when she decided to move. She realized her friends were getting older too and they could not just get out and about on a whim anymore. She was very social and adapted quickly to her apartment. My grandmother who used to want me to stay with her every minute I was in town now loved to go back to her friends to have dinner and play cards.

My mother had to spend a great deal of time with my father in late 2017 after he had a quadruple bypass surgery. Between my father's care, paying full time caregivers to be with her even at assisted living, and paying for the facility, it got to be too much. Thinking she would have more time and easier access to my grandmother, she moved my grandmother to another place closer to my mother's home where they had about 10 residents. Many of my grandmother's friends had been there and she always talked about what a "fine" place it was. Once she got to the new place, she was quite unhappy because it was "out in the woods." It was on farm land. My grandmother just enjoyed the hustle and bustle of the old place and she started to give up. Mind you, she was already 100 years old. My mother was able to find a different placement for her and moved her again to a place where my grandmother was much happier before she passed away at the age of 101, about 2 weeks after her birthday.

The double edged sword of all of the medical technology is that we can make our bodies function for a really long time, but the mind keeps aging. Our bodies are not meant to last forever. "Nursing homes" used to be thought of in such negative terms- like "facilities" or "warehousing." I imagine watching the news and seeing how people can't visit because of COVID is a little disheartening for them too. I can't blame some older people for being afraid or hesitant, but I have found that the new assisted living places are so much warmer and friendly for the most part. I think people end up finding most of them quite nice.

Take heart in the fact you are doing all you can for your parents or grandparents when the day comes. Try to visit as much as you can, even if it is to have a virtual visit or to visit on their porch or outside their window. Just keep in touch and let them know they are not alone. I think that is the biggest fear I hear from people.

Much love to all of you facing these tough decisions.

LiveWithCancer

I always loved "Thankful Thursday" because no matter how bad things can be ... there's always something for which to be thankful! And, it is great to dwell on those things instead of the negative. Thanks for reviving it, Bug!!

I'm a little jealous of everyone who has gotten the vaccine ... we're still waiting here, but it is partly my fault because I don't want to drive all the way to my cancer clinic to get it (an hour) and keep hoping I will be able to get one nearer by (plus, I want my husband to get one at the same time as it seems somewhat futile for me to get one if he doesn't also ... he never gets out but if I started living life a little fuller than in recent months, it seems like even though I might be immune to the virus, I could still bring it home to him if he doesn't also get vaccinated. He's dragging his feet about the whole vaccine thing though tonight, for the first time in probably a year, he actually wanted to go out to eat and I said no because we've not been vaccinated ... (If you guys knew how much I hate to cook, you'd know how hard it is for me to turn down an opportunity to go out to eat!! Before this crazy pandemic, we ate out a lot more than we ate at home ...)

Reading about putting moms into assisted living makes me grateful (I stay grateful for this) that my brother lives with my nearly-91 year old mom. He shops and cooks for her - she wisely gave up her car a year or so ago after a wreck (not her fault, but it totaled her car and she felt that was a sign that it was time to stop driving). Fortunately, her brain is still quite sharp ... we are very lucky in that regard, but her hearing and eyesight are not very good any longer.

Jayne

Thanks to everyone for your perspective on aging parents. They are doing a mass vaccination at the facility this coming week so I'm hoping that will open up some of the activities that I know she would like.

legaljen1969

@LiveWithCancer, I am dragging my feet about the vaccine too. I have underlying conditions that would make me eligible to get the vaccine sooner but I am just not confident about it. Right now, our state is at 65 and above, or if you have underlying conditions. My underlying conditions are obesity and diabetes. I am actually just right at the edge of having Type 2 and I am working on controlling it with diet and exercise. I have lost about 15 pounds so far since December and my nutrition is getting much better. My PCM is on the fence about the vaccines too. He said if I felt strongly about having it, he would make sure I got an appointment but he would prefer I wait until the phase comes for my age group and maybe by then there will be some better understanding with a little more long view of effects. I have an appointment with my medical oncologist in a couple of weeks and once I see him, we will discuss how he feels about my getting the vaccine.

I realize they fast tracked it to try to end this pandemic, but I am just not confident in the trials and how quickly they moved things through. I am not one of those anti-vax people in general. I realize that the time is probably going to come sooner rather than later that it will inhibit my ability to travel. That's really the only reason I will be open to getting it- having to prove I have had it.

I guess I am thankful I am not in position that I am being pushed to move forward with being vaccinated.

po18guy

I am delighted to be anywhere.

LiveWithCancer

@legaljen1969, I understand the ambivalence. I will definitely get the vaccine one of these days - lots and lots of people around here have gotten them and at least so far are faring well (one friend did have a rough few days after the 2nd shot, but is fine now). I'm not a big vaccine person - rarely get the flu vaccine - not for any good reason other than it is a pain to go get and I usually get sick for a few days after I get one). Except for cancer, I am a really healthy person and VERY rarely get sick...

There are just so many tales out there about Coronavirus ... who knows what to believe? Recently some doctor said on TV that if you have high levels of Vit D and Zinc you are safe against the virus ... I know they treat you with those if you get the virus, but that was the first time I heard they could keep it away...

What I do know is that I have several friends who have lost loved ones (sometimes, husband and wife or mom and dad) to the virus in just days after getting it... so I have much more "respect" for the virus ... and the potential harm (death) it can cause than I do for most health concerns.

If anyone had ever told me that I would basically become a prisoner in my own home for fear of some virus, I would have laughed at them ... I don't worry about much at all ... but this virus has caused some rethinking on my part, mainly because I am nearly positive that my husband wouldn't survive it if I happened to bring it home to him. I don't think I could live with myself if I thought I brought home a virus that killed him...

LiveWithCancer

@legaljen1969, I forgot to say - congratulations on the weight loss!!!! I have tried so hard to lose a few pounds (or more - I could stand to lose 50) ... but even when I think I have been successful, the scales say something different. Depressing!!! Especially since my husband has lost so much weight he looks like a cadaver. One of his home health therapists asked him what he ate for breakfast (he couldn't remember eating even though he ate well that day and had 2 breakfast tacos that morning) and what he was eating for dinner (he had no idea) ... I told him she probably looks at him and looks at me and thinks I only feed myself...