I follow one of the oldest rules of common knowledge, common sense, things you do or don't do that t

HolyCross

As you're mama probably told you too, don't talk about religion or politics in public. Obviously, this has been thrown out the window. Anyway...

My issue is on the religious side. I haven't had anyone come right out and say it, but I've had more than one person from our church insinuate that me having cancer was my fault, and probably had something to do with my lifestyle.

This coming from people that haven't known me for longer than 2 years, how do they know what my "lifestyle" is?

Before I say anything about this to anyone in the church I wanted to be sure that I didn't misunderstand what was said. So, when the time is right I will bring up the subject again and this time with a clear mind I will be listening for something referring to this again.

Have you ever heard of anything like this before? What would you do?

Kurt_K

There are folks out there that see adversity as punishment from god. This is a Old Testament type philosophy. I do not share this belief. I can not speak to your lifestyle. That is between you and your faith. As far as your cancer, just remember steel does not become strong and flexible without tempering. Heat is applied to just the right point and then quenched to produce steel that is, flexible, strong and able to hold a sharp edge. Adversity is our tempering process, how we come through the adversity win, lose or draw, is our quench and shows the quality of our steel. Wishing you well on your path.

centered1

I've had 4 major cancers and my testimony is this..."God had to love me an awful lot to trust I would still praise Him in the midst of this journey." All people are going to have their own opinion...especially those who have not had such trials. But what is in your own heart is all that matters. If we all got what we deserve..including the 'judgers', we would all be in deep trouble. That is just Not how it works.

LiveWithCancer

All kinds of people make the world go round... There are those who want your cancer to be your fault so that they don't have to worry about being diagnosed with it themselves (provided they don't have whatever lifestyle they think you have).

I have lung cancer so you can be sure that people look down their noses at my diagnosis and definitely think I caused and deserve my cancer. I just developed some thick skin and, if I defend my diagnosis at all, I let them know that lifestyle CAN play a part in lung cancer diagnoses, but there are lots of people who never smoked who also are diagnosed with the disease, so it is good to be vigilant if you ever develop any symptoms ...

It is hard when you feel abandoned by the people you would hope would surround you with encouragement and faith. I might consider changing churches where perhaps there is more empathy and less blame...

(I have never heard anyone accuse someone who has prostate cancer of having a lifestyle that caused their disease. That's a new one on me.)

andreacha

Ignore them They are not worthy of your worry or friendship.

Bug

LWC, what you said in your first paragraph is very astute. I had not thought of that before but I think you're absolutely right. HolyCross, I can see that changing churches may not be something you might want to do but it may be what is necessary. Your peeps should be supporting you, not criticizing you. As andreacha said, they are not worthy of your worry or friendship.

legaljen1969

I am 100% onboard with LWC, people do tend to want to "blame" cancer on something and pin a "cause" to it. Yes, there are some life choices that seem to increase cancer "risks" but I would never say anyone "deserves" their cancer or has cancer because of their lifestyle, especially if I don't know them well enough to "KNOW" their lifestyle or choices. How presumptuous of these people to say such a thing.
Here's the thing. There are people who do things and make all the "wrong" choices and they never get cancer. There are people who try their very best to eliminate every possible risk factor and they DO get cancer. It's a roulette wheel. You just never know.

I have been told my cancer was my "fault" too. It's hard to hear that. Yes, I was told it was my lifestyle choices that "made" me get cancer. The reasons it was "my fault?" I am overweight. I did over eat frequently but I ate a LOT of healthy foods- things I "should" eat, but I eat too much of them. I am a stress eater. Hmm, stress and anxiety is a risk factor as well.

The hardest "It's your fault" I got was the accusatory folks who said if I hadn't been so "selfish" and
I had a child, I wouldn't have gotten cancer. I never had a full term pregnancy. That has been one of the hardest ones for me. It's the one that people can always get me with- "You never allowed God to bless you with children" or "Wow, God never let you have a child AND he gave you cancer. You really do need to pray and examine your sin nature."

Having cancer really stinks. No doubt. However, I would rather be a decent and compassionate human being and be able to treat a cancer in my body that has nothing to do with who I am, than have to face living with the "cancer" of judgment and hatred in my life, heart and mind every day. Perhaps they need to examine the "cancer" within themselves that really IS their own fault.

KB2013

legaljen1969...your account of the judgemental wench re: you not having children. Um, I’m originally from Jersey and had I been there with you to hear that, well, game on. Oh, yeah, baby

Bug

And I'd be right next to KB2013. I was at a party many years ago. I was at the buffet table when the woman behind me asked, "Do you and your husband have children?" I said, "No." She immediately turned around and walked away.

For one thing, I do have a child from a previous relationship. For a second thing, my husband and I tried to have a child but it didn't work out for us. But none of that should matter. Judgmental wench is right. You're too kind, KB2013. I've got some other names in mind.

I also used to work with a guy that told me he had experienced something similar.