Facing a recurrence, lots of different feelings swirling around

HotRodTodd

I have been going through life since my original diagnosis, treatment, and declarations of "cured" with one eye watching behind me. I guess what I've been looking for and running from finally caught up with me.

For anyone facing a recurrence, do you find that you have a totally defeated feeling? I went through all of this before, the roller coaster of emotions from being told you have cancer, through treatments, and on to what was supposed to be my "new life", only to wind up right where I was before. Like it was all for nothing. Now I worry that since years have passed that I may not be as strong as I was before to fight it off again. I've never been told I was depressed, but this must be what it feels like.

LiveWithCancer

Hi HotRodTodd, first of all, I am really sorry that you're facing a recurrence. It seems like lots of us here on WhatNext are in your shoes right about now. And, it's tough.

If I were you, I would talk to my doctor and let him or her know that you're having difficulty emotionally with the new diagnosis. You may be given some anti-anxiety drugs or they may send you to a psychologist or counselor who specializes in working with cancer patients.

For me, I try to always keep my focus on what is good and what is positive. For instance, in the time you have been in remission, there may have been new drugs created that will be much easier on you than those in the past. And, think of the years you've had that you wouldn't have if the cancer hadn't gone into remission - all of the joys and good things that have happened during that time. Sometimes, just refocusing your brain from the negatives to the positives can help alleviate a lot of stress and sadness.

Good luck!! I hope they get you back into remission quickly!

legaljen1969

LWC, great advice. I definitely had to get some medication for my anxiety when I was first told I had cancer. It became all I could think about. Don't feel like you have to "tough it out" and be hardened. Yes, mental toughness can be an asset when you are fighting. That said, if you need something or someone to help you get through this time, don't hesitate. It makes me so sad that people will support taking medications for almost anything we need to fix or cure, but they will get so judgmental about mental health. It may not be that you have to continue taking something. Maybe you just need something to help peel you off the ceiling until the world stops spinning. I think getting a cancer diagnosis or a recurrence notice is even tougher right now in this COVID world we inhabit. With all of the bad news swirling around us every day, sometimes it seems like cancer is my last straw- the one thing that sends me over the edge when it's all too much.

Know we are all here for you whenever.

Teachertina

I’ve been through 2 recurring bouts after the first shock. Each time I had my very own pity party for a little while and then got busy finding out everything new out there that has been developed over those 14 years. Many improvements have been made. My team of doctors have kept me going with close monitoring. I have come to expect another round at any time but I’m going to keep doing everything I can until I can’t. I’ve had that feeling you talk about and I hope you can get some help with that if it persists. Keep us posted here and know we understand.

TOUGHERTHANIT

OMG, I can't even imagine what feelings you are having. I am still freaking out about this current diagnosis, I have a surgery I need to have but I don't want to because I will have to be alone in the hospital. Every now and then, I start thinking about the "what if's" about coming back, and I'm not even done with this one. I hope you do well, I guess one bright spot is that since you've been through it before you know what to expect this time.

Whitey61

Todd, as a fellow PC survivor..stage 4 metastatic...I knew from start I could never be cured, mindset I kept..it's been 6 yrs for me when told at DX. I might have 3 months?…..I know the day is going to come for me as well, but I don't dwell on it, I have been blessed to have seen many milestones in these 6 years if not for precision therapies that still have me in complete Clinical Remission currently NED..just look at it as the next battle to overcome and you will, it's all about prolonging life with Quality and waiting for the next best treatment to keep us going..in meantime, like LWC mentions, get some help mentally to help you deal with it..Best of Luck.

c1a1c1

My husband has stage IV metastatic prostate cancer - he went thru just about every medication out there and then started on Docetaxel chemo, it took its toll on his body so the oncol. stopped it after 4 chemos. It wasn't working after all that - his PSA kept going up. We get another second opinion soon, just don't know what to do, he's so ill. At what point do you choose quality of life?

Whitey61

C1A1C1,name is familiar, are you in Boston area?

c1a1c1

Whitey - no, in FL - but we corresponded recently re genetic testing - he had 47 (I think) genes tested and he did not have the ones needed. We will ask the dr. next week about the test you mentioned. Thank you!

TerriL

I'm sorry you are facing this battle again. Most oncology departments can refer you for free counseling to deal with your mental issues. You got through this once, and although it is scary, you can do it again.

BuckeyeShelby

Hi Todd. I know you've seen my recent recurrence story. I spent the day I found out throwing myself several pity parties. Decided I was ok with being a total mess that day, but I was determined to pull up my big girl pants and start fighting the next day. And for the most part, that is what I've done. Do I backslide? Sure, I'm human. Don't have a treatment plan yet, but I'll work on healing from surgery for now. Med oncologist isn't gonna start anything until the wound vac is off, and it sounds like it might be awhile as the incision was kinda big.