Cancer is very scary, we get lots of questions everyday about how to deal with fear over different c

WhatNextEmails

What would you say is the biggest or scariest issue about cancer for you, and how do you cope with it?
Is it the fear of treatment?
Fear of losing your hair?
Disfigurement?
Possibly dying?
Losing your job?
The fear of the unknown?

Bengal

For sure fear of the unknown. Fear of treatment. Having known people who had gone through treatments and seeing what it had done to them and how it had affected them the question is, is this something I want to voluntarily allow to happen to me. Honestly, maybe fear is not the right word, but dread of all the touching. The minute I heard the words Breast Cancer I was horrified. I am a very modest person and had had to steal myself for the ordeal every time I went for a mammogram. Now it seemed like I had half the people in the hospital with their hands all over me. I HATE IT!!!! And it does not ever get easier.

As for the horror some people express over losing their hair? I don't get that. Least of my worries.

LiveWithCancer

My biggest fear was telling my family. Boy, did I dread that!

I dreaded the idea of losing my hair but I didn't fear it. We took immediate action, bought a wig before I even started chemo so I would be ready ... and then I didn't lose my hair (probably would have been almost as good if I had because chemo turned it into a hot mess for several years).

I was curious about chemo ... and a bit worried about that after having seen my dad go through it and it wasn't pretty. I had said for 20 years that if I was ever diagnosed with cancer, I would get radiation (it didn't bother my dad ... or, as it turns out, me) but I would never, ever do chemo. I changed my tune right away when at first I had only one option in fighting the disease: chemo.

Faith. That's how I have gotten through this and every other event in my life (cancer is certainly not the worst thing that has ever happened to me). I don't dread dying though I love living. I have no fear - because I believe God has this ... and I am 100% comfortable with Him directing how it is going to go. (l am speaking from my own perspective ... I know many here do not believe the same as I do and I'm fine with that, but for me, faith is everything.)

And, I have been blessed to not be much of a worrier. I see no point in worrying. You can worry about losing your hair but it probably won't cause your hair not to fall out...You can worry about dying ... and if anything, the stress of it will help it become a self-fulfilling prophecy ... but certainly won't help you stay alive longer...

I try to live today. This moment. Nothing else is promised or a sure thing.

JaneA

Fear of the unknown. Fear of how bad the chemo would. Fear that I would have to have an ostomy. Fear that I wouldn't be strong enough. Fear that I would be a burden on my husband. Fear that I would vomit all of the time. Fear that I would lose my job.

Some of these fears came true. I did have to have an ostomy, and I've been just fine. I did lose my job but was old enough to take to Social Security - I love being "semi-retired."

The biggest thing that I learned was that I was braver than I realized.

po18guy

This will sound completely strange, but since 60% of my dad's side (including dad) expired to cancer, I expected cancer and had no real fear of it. I relegated it to the back of my mind and lived life. With mortality in mind, I knew that I would eventually expire, but to what? Heart? Fall? Traffic accident? When cancer arrived, I was not freaked out, but viewed it as a challenge. The possible exception to the norm here is that I had foundational beliefs which brought tremendous peace.

The challenge continues after 12 years (this week), but I still have the strength to move ahead, damaged goods though I may be. It sounds flip, but is really not: I keep calm and cancer on.

GregP_WN

PO, that's exactly how I felt about my last diagnosis. Because of the numbers for recurrence for head and neck and my set of specifics for what I've been through with radiation to my head and neck through two diagnoses, the stenosis in my neck, carotid arteries, loss of teeth, swallowing issues. I just knew that the radiation got me this time. And, I might be looking at more repair work now, I'm waiting for the "mechanic" to call me back now.

MLT

The fear of cancer spreading from liver to stomach. The fear of no more treatments to try. I am not ready to leave my family, still need to build more memories with my grandchildren

MLT

The fear of cancer spreading from liver to stomach. The fear of no more treatments to try. I am not ready to leave my family, still need to build more memories with my grandchildren

Horselady46

My fear is it coming back somewhere else.

ChildOfGod4570

For me, it was mostly the fear of the unknown and what it would do to the people around me. Would they only see me as a patient rather than a person? Would I be derided because of hair loss? Would they shy away from me as if cancer was catching? I was so sure that if my family had a dramatic reaction to the news I would lose it, so I asked my mother to tell my sisters and dad about the diagnosis. I had no idea what the treatments would do to me either; I just had a strong feeling they would make me very sick. Naturally, this would be a blow to someone who really works hard to remain healthy. Before cancer, I felt healthy and vital, and hearing about the treatments made me realize I was going to let them do stuff to me that would make me very sick on purpose. What about my quality of life? I didn't care as much about dying as much as I cared about the quality of my life while I was still living on Earth. I know I would go home to Jesus one day, but if I have to remain here for a while before that happens, I would want the "wait" to be as bearable as possible. I would rather live a shorter time with comfort care and a better quality of life than to linger for a long time feeling sick and miserable. I had a friend who originally had ovarian cancer at age 36, and a return of cancer in her bones and brain at age 40. She was told her condition was terminal and that she could live longer than her prognosis if she were to take chemo for the rest of her life. She said she was ready to go home to Jesus and would rather be kept comfortable than languish on chemo. She faced her prognosis with such faith and bravery! I'm sure she had her bad days as we all do, but she set a model that I found admirable when facing such a journey. HUGS and God bless.

legaljen1969

I think fear of the unknown was probably my biggest hurdle. I didn't know a timeline. I didn't know what all would be required. I had a close friend who got diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer just after both of our husbands retired from the Marine Corps. We were now an entire country apart. When I got my diagnosis, I turned to her for answers. She told me she would be praying for me and let her know what stage and everything I found out. She told me she didn't want to tell me much of anything about her cancer because it was so much more advanced than mine and she didn't want me to worry too much. She said if I ever got to where she was when she was diagnosed, she would be right there beside me fighting. I appreciated her assessment.
I was never really afraid of hair loss. I have fine thin hair as it is. I have also had my hair cut really short several times. One of the first people I told was my stylist. We planned for what we would do if I lost my hair. We were going to have a party where she and her business partner were going to shave my head and plan wigs and things for the comeback. I haven't lost my hair, but I know I have good friends when and if I do.
I think my biggest dread was how it would possibly affect my friends and family. It turns out not so much at all. My family has been pretty supportive. Friends? Ha. That's something I don't even talk about anymore. Anyone I believed was a "friend" dropped off the face of the earth when I uttered the word cancer. Although I have been pleasantly surprised when some people I didn't think gave a rip have at least checked in on me from time to time.
If anything progresses or develops further, I think my biggest fear is doing this alone. That's been really hard for me. The isolation and alienation.