If you have been diagnosed with cancer for any length of time, do you feel like you're always lookin

GregP_WN

Imagine you're going about your day, minding your own business, when someone sneaks up behind you...

You feel something press up against the back of your head, as someone whispers in your ear.

"Sssshhhhh.... don't turn around. Just listen. I am holding a gun against the back of your head. I'm going to keep it there. I'm going to follow you around like this every day, for the rest of your life."
"I'm going to press a bit harder, every so often, just to remind you I'm here, but you need to try your best to ignore me, to move on with your life. Act like I'm not here, but don't you ever forget... one day I may just pull the trigger... or maybe I won't. Isn't this going to be a fun game?"

This is what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer. Any STAGE of cancer. Any KIND of cancer. Remission does not change the constant fear. It never truly goes away. It's always in the back of your mind.

Does this sound familiar?

LiveWithCancer

It really doesn't to me. While I still have stable tumors (hopefully!!), I just truly don't think about my cancer all that much. I mean, it's there in the back of my mind - I don't ever forget completely that I have lung cancer, but I don't know the last time that I really brought it to the forefront of my brain and dwelt on it.

More than anything, I stand in awe of the fact that I have cancer and I'm still here, living my life. But then again, while I love life here on earth, I strongly believe that where I'm going when I breathe my last breath here is preferable by far ... so I don't fear cancer (or coronavirus or much of anything). (That does NOT mean that I don't take reasonable precautions to stay healthy or that I forgo treatments for cancer or whatever ... but it does mean that I am absolutely fine with the idea of leaving this world when my time is up.)

KB2013

I do. I spent four years in misery doing a countdown the professionals told me I wouldn’t escape then, after I made it that far I started thinking like my old pre-cancer self until 3 months ago when reality (likely recurrence) bit me in the butt. It’s dread or fear, don’t know what to call it. With hospitals dedicated to covid-19 pts, what do cancer pts needing biopsies do now?

Bengal

I certainly don't think about it 24/7 but it is always there lurking in the shadows , just out of sight, waiting to pounce again. Every time I have an unexplained deep pain the thought jumps to the front of the line, could this indicate a metastasis. I know some people seem better equipped to deal with these kinds of thought and more power to them.

Just one of the dues we pay for membership in this exclusive "club that nobody wants to belong to".

Bengal

And.....KB2013, I hope you are able to get a biopsy and proceed with whatever treatment you may need. Oh, good luck with this thing.

andreacha

KB2O13- I know that "electjve surgeries" are on hold for now. But I can't fathom that a biopsy for possible cancer would be in that category. It's not a tummy tuck for vanity reasons but one that is decisive to possibly save a person's life. I pray that you will be able to move forward soon for your piece of mind.
GregP_WN - You are on your 4th round with this dreaded disease. I'm on my 3rd. Until recently I did not let the chance of a recurrance rule my life. Every once in a while a thought would creep forward but I would sucessfully kick it back out. I don't want to dwell on it because I've seen what that can do to a person.
However, I recently did something for myself that many of us had advised some of our members to do. I made the decision to get a second opinion and ultimately left my Oncologist of the last 7 years and chose the doctor that gave me the second opinion. I bring this up because of your question.I will go into more detail on another day. My biggest change with him is the fact that he has taken me off of my oral chemo I'd been on since 2012. I plan to make an attempt not to be looking over my shoulder despite no treatment at this time. Will go into more detail soon.

po18guy

Due to family history, I expected the first cancer. Did not really expect the second and third, but we dealt with it. I suspect there will be a 4th cancer, but I'm too busy dealing with the plethora of co-morbidities that have resulted from what they call "extensive treatment" - but you have to be alive to have complaints.

BobsProstate

I'm not past the first one yet, but have already started thinking about this for when I am done. Wondering if I'm going to worry about it all the time or if I'll be able to go through life not thinking about it.

legaljen1969

Bengal, I hadn't paid much attention to an unexplained deep pain until you brought this up. I just thought it was a weird post-surgical feeling and left it alone. It feels very much like an internal bruise. I guess it bears mentioning at my next appointment this coming week. Based on how crazy everything went in the beginning and how things kept advancing, I am feeling a little less hopeful now.
I haven't had multiple runs with cancer, but I do know I felt very much this way at the midpoint of my journey between diagnosis and mastectomy. The bad news kept piling on. Every time I thought I had a little hope, I got a phone call that the pathology revealed worse news than they thought. So I do know the feeling of looking over my shoulder wondering if anything would ever feel safe again. I don't know that I will ever feel safe again, but I am trying.

Teachertina

I have the feeling of a dark shadow behind me, just hanging around, not menacing like the gun analogy, but just a reminder not to get too relaxed about things, to pay attention to anything that may seem a little off, to take care of myself, to keep moving and enjoy the day that has come my way. After 3 rounds of cancer over 14 years I take nothing for granted. Every day above ground is a good one! Make the most of it while you can!

Paperpusher

Hubby does. Not constantly but he's had a persistent cough since an URI the beginning of February. I've explained that the cough can take a month or more to go away. Also he plays a game on FB with an international base. He's not shy talking about his cancer experience and one of the guys told him that he had been cancer free for 10 years then came back. Hubby asked if that could happen to him. I had to tell him yes with his type or some other cancer from the treatment itself. He didn't remember that but he was busy.