Is anyone experiencing survivor guilt?

swrkr442

Having a difficult time coping with the loss of a friend who had same diagnosis. She recently passed and I am still here. It's not fair. Has any one else experienced this?

DoreenLouise

The summer following my diagnosis in October 2014, I joined a group of breast cancer survivors in a group for dragon boat racing.

The following was copied from cancerhealth.com:

Dragon boat racing has become an international movement for breast cancer survivors. Paddling has become a cornerstone of their lives.

But it’s more than a way to celebrate life as a survivor. The rigorous sport is also helping them avoid one of the most difficult complications of breast cancer: lymphedema, the painful swelling that can occur after the surgical removal of lymph nodes. Dragon boat racing, it turns out, played a key role in upending a pervasive myth that women at risk for lymphedema should avoid certain kinds of exercise. It turned out that the exact opposite was true. It’s believed that the intense upper-body exercise entailed in this sport decreases lymphedema risk.

Since joining, 2 members have died and 2 are stage 4 and both of whom are presently suffering and unable to participate.

I also joined Stewart's Caring Place -- At Stewart’s Caring Place, we provide a caring, relaxed environment to those of all ages touched by any phase or stage of cancer. We offer supportive programs for everyone.

One woman that I became very close to died, as have numerous others that I got to know.

I am saddened by the deaths, happy to have had the relationships with those that died and grateful to still be alive. I don't feel quilt that I have survived and they have not.

I don't feel that quilt is a healthy emotion and have learned to deal with that emotion over my lifetime. It's not easy, but I know that my loved ones who have died would not want me to feel guilty that I am still on this earth.

Carool

I agree with DoreenLouise re guilt. I don’t feel survivor guilt, though I do feel guilty for many other actions I’ve made. I too had two friends die of cancer: one of breast cancer (my cancer) and one of stomach cancer.

I think our loved ones and our doctors are very happy we’re here. Our dying wouldn’t help anyone.

legaljen1969

I am really hoping this site is back to stay, and in working order.

I know this is several months removed for my comment.

Maybe survivor guilt is not productive, but it's certainly very real. Some people feel it and experience it deeply. Some are able to compartmentalize and deal with it productively.

My survivor guilt came on the day of my diagnosis. I was headed to my best friend's house to tell her and to ask for her sister-in-law's email. The SIL had been fighting for a long time and was very optimistic and upbeat. I knew she would gladly answer any questions I might have.

As I turned onto the street, my friend called to tell me that her SIL had died only moments before after a week of hospice care. Naturally I went to comfort my friend and we cried a lot of tears. I didn't tell my friend for almost 3 months and only reached out the night before my mastectomy. She was upset that I hadnt told her sooner. She asked when I found out and I told her it was the day her SIL died. She knew then exactly why I held back. She also knew immediately once I told her that it was very early detection that I felt so much survivor guilt because of how sweet and compassionate and vibrant her SIL was.

I would have gladly taken every ounce of cancer and suffering if her SIL could have survived. I still feel that way. There is no reason someone like me should be here and someone like hee SIL should be gone.