Encore

legaljen1969

I don't have the "street cred" that a lot of you have. I haven't gone through chemotherapy. I didn't even have to have radiation, thanks to a great surgeon who acted quickly to remove the cancerous tissue she found in my breast.
I often feel unworthy to post anything or share my experience because my road was not full of difficult potholes.
My reasons to stay? My "street cred?" I battled the beast of cancer. I heard the scary words and I had to dig deep to find the courage- fight or flight. Many, the flight seemed the obvious choice. But I made the choice to come alongside my fabulous team and fight. Many fought for me. How can I not do the same for them? I owe it to my care team to fight as hard for me to be okay as they fought for me.
That said, I owe it to all of you to fight for you and cheerlead for you. I owe it to you to be the shoulder you cry on when that's what you need. To my many friends here, I owe it to you to fight as hard for you as I fought for myself. I am here.

TerriL

It doesn't matter what treatment you had. You still had the same emotions and fears that anyone with cancer has. Let's keep on going and encouraging others.

legaljen1969

I am crazy confused right now. I don't know if I started two threads with the same name or what. I thought what was written under this one was a reply to further explain what I was saying in an earlier post. I can't ever figure out to how merge threads or fix anything so.....
Anyhow, this should be a place of encouragement and knowledge.

legaljen1969

My question and this thread seem to have gotten divided in some way, so this was part of what I was originally saying, and it still stands. It was Part 1 to what I was saying. The "question" above is Part 2- a response to explain the rest of my thought.

I know I said I was gone for good. I promised as much, but I have been really thinking about this. I laid down a challenge to try to bring this site back to what we all expect and what we want it to be- a place where we all feel safe to share our joys and concerns. This is a safe harbor for so many that are going through the battle. Some of us have a mighty community and some are battling through this feeling all alone.
I cannot throw down a challenge and then just leave. I am disappointed that people misunderstood my intention. In fact, disappointed in the least of what I feel.
Everyone here has some experience to bring to the table. Everyone has a talent to offer. We all have some experience to share with others. I don't care if you are a tech wizard and can run huge social media platforms, or if you have great listening ears and a heart of gold. I just want everyone to give their best toward bringing back what we had. That's all I meant by my put up or shut up comments.

legaljen1969

My response above even seemed to alienate some and cause hurt feelings. I am trying to rally everyone, but I seem to be hopelessly offensive and tone deaf for whatever reason. I am done trying to look after everyone's feelings and screen my thoughts and read everyone else's minds. Perhaps a good tactic to take is that if you think things could be taken more than one way, assume the person meant them in the non-offensive way. I don't think any of us come here looking to be unkind to others. Sure, post something on their wall or see if you can resolve it offsite if something bothers you. But if you come here looking to be offended, you will certainly find something to offend you. We go to such great lengths to be offended, or to find some way to twist well meaning words into the most unkind intentions.
When we are battling or trying to come to terms with the beast that is cancer, it is understandable that we may not be in the most positive head space, but I can guarantee most of us here are not coming here seeking to make people upset or angry.
If we are looking to for offense, we will find it. If we are looking for encouragement, we will find that.
To answer something that someone said about not having to have radiation or oral chemo or IV chemo- my surgeon and oncologist thoroughly reviewed everything and determined that they have removed all of the cancerous tissue and that being on an AI would sufficiently inhibit my estrogen and progesterone. We all have different journeys- a fact my surgeon drilled into my head many times. "Don't listen to the horror stories. Every patient I have has a little different path."
Anyhow, we can all be encouragers if we try. We can all be encouraged if we try.

Teachergirl

I totally agree that this place should be a place of encouragement and knowledge. I deleted my previous comment because I think it was misunderstood. This is not directed at you in any way but we need to encourage, acknowledge and respect each other's responses. There are some who challenge the responses of others right in the answer stream and that is rude and disrespectful. Here's an example, A while back someone asked "what do you think got you through your cancer journey?" I replied that I felt having and maintaining a positive attitude was key. Another member answered the question but began by attacking my answer writing " I don't think a positive attitude has anything to do with it.....". The purpose is to help by answering questions, not judging the answers of others. I am only mentioning this because you made a great point, some of us are going through this feeling alone. When someone is feeling that way, criticizing their answer and attempts to help others does more harm than good. I hope that this site can continue to be positive, supportive and a safe place for people to share but in order for that to happen we all need to look at our selves and evaluate what we are saying. Again, this is not personal, I am agreeing with you.

jvbaseballmom2

Please don’t feel that way. We are all survivors no matter what treatment we had, or the course of action taken against the cancer. The most important thing is that we are here for each other in our time of need, to answer a question someone has, or just to let them know they’re not alone. You always share such great information, and it would be a shame if you left the group because of how it is managed or mismanaged. I tried to answer your post two days ago but the site wasn’t cooperating. I’m sure we’ve all felt frustration with the website, but the more important thing is that we’re here for each other. I think of how many years Greg handled the website, probably dealing with all the same frustrations, in addition to battling cancer so many times. So let’s keep this going, for every survivor who needs us in their journey, and in Greg’s memory! Stay strong and safe!

legaljen1969

Teachergirl, I agree with you about demeaning the answers of others. It serves no good purpose. We all get through this in different ways. Some like to talk it out. Others like to process quietly and introspectively.

People who call others "ignorant" and "incompetent" really don't help anything either. It just isolates others.

If the question is asked "What do you think got you through?" then the answer for each responder should be what that person thinks got them through. And the question, to be very picky, asks what do you THINK got you through" not "what GOT you through." If you believe eating 15 grapes a day while singing London Bridge got you through with a positive mindset, then so be it. (I am just saying something- not relaying that anyone ever told me that or that I did that- lest the thought police descend). I mean, that would definitely make me laugh or at least smile and it would be something silly to distract me. If that distraction helped me then it's what I think got me through. Maybe it's reading something uplifting. Maybe it's going on a long walk every day.
Like it not, a positive mindset and being in a positive or healthy mindset matters a lot.

Teachergirl

legaljen, exactly! Sometimes we may be overly sensitive and other times things go right by us. Everyone doesn't have to agree with our thoughts or ideas and that's ok. We don't need to criticize. Calling anyone names is totally uncalled for. I saw a great quote today "Be an encourager, the world already has enough critics!"

savingrace

We all may not go through the exact same treatment, pain, emotions, etc but we can still be an encourager to others. That's what where here for to help in whatever way we can our brothers or sisters who are going through.

Carool

Teachergirl, I may have been the one who said that “I don’t think a positive attitude has anything to do with it” (it’s what I would say). I apologize to you if I said that. I wasn’t saying that you shouldn’t or didn’t find that a positive attitude helped you; I was saying that I wouldn’t find that helpful for ME. And too often, survivors feel that if they’re not positive constantly, their negativity might affect their survival.

But we should be free to state how we feel and not have that statement be seen as a negative criticism of the other person.

I’ll add that if someone here insisted that her/his cancer can be treated by, oh, crystals, I would be very insistent in refuting her/his statement, no matter how convinced she or he was. Getting through cancer treatments any way we can is one thing; touting ridiculous cancer “cures” is another entirely. We had two people here, years ago, who did that. I and others argued with them, without calling them names. They didn’t change their minds. That was fine, as long as others could say what they (we) thought.