Purging the Past

legaljen1969

I feel sure I am NOT the only one that has strong memories related to scents and sights, et cetera. I could be wrong.

Last night I purged my counters and closets of objects in my direct or regular sight line, mostly ridding myself of scents and sights that seemed to make me think of my diagnosis and surgery and immediate recovery right after surgery. They are things that have started making me feel sad or sick when I see or smell them. Some of them are things I just had to put away "out of sight, out of mind" because I fear not being able to get them again if this pandemic goes on and on.

Some of my sights and smells are Dial Soap (old fashioned gold/yellow colored antibacterial Dial Soap), Tom's deodorant, clothes I was wearing when I got the initial mammogram and follow up mammogram, dry shampoo I used while in hospital.

MarcieB

I think we all have *triggers* that different sights and sounds bring us. For me it is the season. I was diagnosed and began treatment at this time in the year (two years ago). So when I notice the days getting longer, and all the trees morphing into the same heavy shade of green...I can remember my feelings about my cancer journey beginnings much more vividly. I think I was fortunate, because the the natural signals that usher in the fall season are also the time of year I feel most optimistic - like the future is full of possibilities. I think that is a carry-over from all the school years and I liked school. Anyway, I am feeling it now - the memories of it all beginning and how I felt determined to hold onto the positive and keep my spirits up. I wasn't always successful. I am remembering that too! I can understand the scent of Dial bring back a feeling.

Teachertina

I can’t stand ginger ale anymore, after drinking so much of it after surgeries! I have anxiety when I have to go visit anyone in a hospital. Way too many smell triggers there! Fall and winter are rough for me. All 3 diagnosis came and surgeries were done with long recovery times during those months. The short days with early darkness makes for long nights of memories. Plus I hate cold weather. I keep thinking of long warm days ahead to get outside and plant my little flower garden and a few tomato plants in the spring. The holidays keep me busy for some of this time and projects I need to do indoors help pass the time too. I bet we all have some kind of feelings like this with smells, sounds, tastes, sights and memories.

LiveWithCancer

I have some foods that I can't "go" any longer because I got sick on them (or at the thought of them) when I was getting chemo. I once loved potato soup, but I developed a horrible aversion to it while I getting chemo ... and it has taken until recently before I could even think of it without wanting to retch (I have now actually eaten and enjoyed a bowl or two of potato soup). I ate and threw up ginger snaps ... I still won't eat those. On the other hand, I drank a ton of tomato juice and tomatoes with avocadoes when I was sickest ... and I still love those things!!

Other things, like you mentioned, really haven't been a trigger for me at all.

Not long after our son died, I went on a huge cleaning binge. I wasn't ridding our home of memories of him, of course, but I felt like I had to organize the chaos - I had to be able to actually control something ... and that something was getting cabinets and closets completely organized (not something I typically do or enjoy). That's what your purging reminds me of.

legaljen1969

Thank you all for responding.