How are you doing keeping positive and keeping negativity away?

GregP_WN

Today's blog post has some tips for staying clear of negativity and leaning toward the positive. Take a look here>> https://bit.ly/3kc9TJf

Jayne

I really enjoyed this article - Is this from "our" Jane A? I reread this sentence a few times because the "only be Stage IV" was stumbling me up: "Everyone’s cancer is a little different — we may have high-grade, aggressive cells but only be Stage IV or we may have low-grade, well-differentiated cells and be Stage IV." In any event, it was a really nicely written blog and oh so true!

GregP_WN

Yes, our own Ms. JaneA.

JaneA

Jayne - I should perhaps have written that a bit different. What I meant that even within a Stage IV diagnosis, Stage IV between patients can be very different - with the patient with low grade, well-differentiated cells having a better prognosis than the Stage IV patient with high-grade, aggressive cells." Sorry about that. But thank you for reading.

legaljen1969

@JaneA, you always have something positive to share.

MarcieB

How am I doing keeping negativity away?
Not as good as last month, or the month before.
The shut-down stuff is really getting to me. The anger and ugliness I see being spewed on Facebook, from people who would have never been so mean-spirited before, is getting me down. I can't watch the news for more than a half hour, and all the shows on Netflix are from Britain or Europe which my hearing-challenged husband simply cannot keep up with. It's difficult to find a good distraction. I did the sourdough bread thing (honestly, didn't everybody?), and discovered it is simply not in my DNA to bake bread. I did a few really challenging jigsaw puzzles...(zzzzz) and have read so much everything is starting to sound the same. I gardened like crazy, at first, but then the heat and bugs got the best of that. I painted. I still paint. That helps, but I really need to meet someone for lunch and go to a movie! (can't happen) Just to mix things up!!!

I began raising monarch butterflies and now they are raising me. I only wanted one or two caterpillars, but I found four right away. Then sometimes when I picked a milkweed leaf for them (that is all they will eat) there would be a teeny-tiny caterpillar on the underside...Today I have eight in chrysalis, and seven more in varying stages of caterpillar. I expect my first two to emerge this weekend, but I have to say...I am kind of nervous about it!

The state where I live is strict and has become even more so - only ten people allowed in a building at one time. I am grateful I was able to get my hair cut before that decree or I would have had to wait even longer. My young women friends are fretting about school options and I don't blame them. There are arrows in the supermarket as to which way to go. Once a man actually grabbed my elbow and loudly exclaimed, "Wrong Way!" (I honestly didn't know what he was talking about until he pointed to the floor) That is why I laughed at a joke posted in FaceBook that went like this:
A man in the supermarket shouted at me, "Didn't you see the arrows?!!" I ducked and said, "Arrows? I didn't even see the Indians!"
When I read that joke I posted that I would totally USE that line if I ever had a problem again. And I was accused of being racially insensitive and rude to Native Americans...I can't even...

I find it harder and harder to be positive when it is becoming obvious that if the world has not lost it's mind - it HAS, indeed, lost it's sense of humor.

Oddly enough, I don't worry about cancer coming back, I just don't. If it does, I will deal with it.

petieagnor

Thanks, MarcieB. It's getting more difficult to stay positive.

Jayne

@JaneA - ah, that makes sense!

po18guy

I pray.

MarcieB

I would like to apologize for the lengthy rant I posted above. Everything I said is true and how I am feeling right now, but these are things that will pass. I think Jane's very good article was directed to those who struggle with keeping a positive attitude concerning cancer and the threat of it's return. I am aware there are people right now struggling daily with physical, mental, and emotional challenges that can zap their strength and just plain wear them out. My list of *problems* seems rather whiney compared to that. Frankly, if I had read my own post while I was going through the ravages of chemo, I would have probably thought, "Oh, cry me a river, sister!" I am constantly amazed and encouraged by the honesty and strength I witness from people who contribute to this site.

GregP_WN

@MarcieB, I enjoyed your post and your views on the sad state of affairs we find ourselves in. Also, what gets under our skin tends to evolve based on our current condition, no need to apologize for where you are at right now.

JaneA

This is the place to vent and rant. MarcieB - I feel like you sometimes. I love feeding hummingbirds. We have ruby throats here in GA. I am refilling three feeders twice a day as I now have over 20 hummers - I made my own nectar and with the humidity, have to clean regular to avoid the mildew, but they are worth it. I must get milkweed next year to try to have monarchs.

legaljen1969

@MarcieB. You and I are in very similar place right now. Treatments and disease are not hitting us all that hard at this moment, but we are still a part of the C Club and we know how bad it can be/could be. I guess we are "fortunate" that the sad state of the world is what brings us down rather than disease.

People do get caught up in comparison and who has it the worst, and who should be the most offended. Here is what I try to remember. We all feel joy at different things. We all feel pain at different things. I have several friends who have lost children. A mother losing her child feels undeniable pain no matter how it happened. All of the circumstances are very different and for any one of them to say that their pain is "worse" than the others denies that the others have a valid pain. I can think of not one single parent who doesn't consider losing their child to be one of life's worst nightmares. It's not up to us to tell someone how to feel pain or to feel joy. We just have to cherish the joy in our lives and feel the pain in our lives. If we are lucky enough to have someone by our sides that can celebrate and grieve and process with us, we are very lucky.

I see how much other people are struggling right now and I am very thankful that MY cancer journey had been relatively non-eventful. I am taking precautions that the "average person" would take to avoid contracting or spreading disease or germs.

Someone the other day was surprised that I hadn't lost my hair or lost a lot of weight. I told them that I didn't have to have chemotherapy and their response was "Oh, so you didn't have cancer after all." Umm, yeah it was definitely cancer. Because it was detected so early and the particular way it manifested in my body, I am "only" have to take Anastrazole. I say "only" because I know it could have needed radiation or chemotherapy if things had been different.

People definitely get caught up in the comparison trap from time to time. As they say "Comparison is the thief of joy." It is not up to me to tell someone they cannot be sad or mad or frustrated. It's not up to me to determine who "gets to" be happy or sad.

Our world is definitely a mess. It's not easy to comprehend at all. I am trying to do what I can as "one little person" to do better and to influence my small corner of the world. I know I can't fix it all, but I can fix something- even if it's just within my own family or neighborhood. Someone the other day was commenting on how little they felt appreciated by those around them.

I had written a note to that same "unappreciated person" a few weeks ago, because I still find value in a card or a handwritten note. I find value in encouraging people and I still enjoy picking up a card or letter someone has written to me and reading their kind words over again. Anyhow, I had occasion to be with that person a few days after I had mailed the card. They mentioned that they had gotten the card, but they didn't understand why I wrote it. I just said "Well I meant every word of it. What you did meant a lot." I was then told that because I wrote it on my personalized note cards that it was very pretentious and old fashioned and it made them feel uncomfortable. I asked them if they even read what I wrote and they said they did, but they would appreciate if I would use email or electronic comments in the future in order to not 'belittle them" and to avoid "spreading disease." I hadn't even considered (maybe because I am not that bright) that they would think I was trying to "infect them" by sending a written letter. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. I told them I would be sure to never express my thanks to them again if it made them feel bad. (I KNOW they don't think they were saying they didn't appreciate the kind words, but they didn't like the format.) It is amazing to me that someone would find my words didn't have value because they were on paper.

Anyhow Marcie- keep the faith. You are a great person and you inspire me so much.

Jayne

@legaljen1969 - that is just mind boggling. I, for one, so appreciate a hand written note (even in these times) and send them myself thinking others would appreciate the effort. I never considered whether the recipient would be offended. How odd... or is that the state of the world now?

petieagnor

Wow! We got a little off the primary subject, but still on. I agree with Legal & Jayne. You do something positive in your life & the recipient turns it into a negative. Yes, I believe it is the state of the world today. I believe we should do what we believe in, good manners, etc as it makes us feel good as long as our intentions are good. We cannot help how the recipient takes it. I still send Christmas cards to a few individuals knowing they will never send me one. It's their problem, not mine.

MarcieB

legaljen, your cancer story is no less scary just because you were able to avoid chemo and radiation. You still had a bout with the dreaded thing and taking Anastazole is no picnic. Your friends don't know how it cramps the joints or wakes you at night with a hot flash And how it thins the bones in the long run, requiring yet another drug to ward off osteoporosis. We can tell ourselves we are lucky to have this drug (and, of course we are), but it doesn't feel so lucky when we rise in the morning and have to work out the kinks before we feel okay.
And anyone who would guilt you for writing a loving note on what they consider the wrong stationary, is too pathetic for words. Maybe that is why no one *appreciates* her in the fist place(?) - she won't receive it. So she is the one who is the ultimate loser here - not you, whose heart was in the right place. I hope you will continue to send people kind notes...just not her! lol! ;-)

LiveWithCancer

@MarcieB, i totally enjoyed your post. Love that you're raising butterflies!!! That's just so cool. We have a butterfly house here that i used to go to frequently. It was a fun place and I loved trying to get pictures of the butterflies- which was quite challenging. They let a new batch of butterflies loose at noon every day. I tried to be there for that on days when i went.

I stopped FB after the last Presidential election. It was making me way too unhappy to see how awful people i thought i knew and loved were behaving. I can only imagine how it is now.

The political correctness has gone nuts!!! I love the joke about arrows and may use it myself if i ever am told i am going down an aisle the wrong way!