Being Positive

legaljen1969

My last question/post had to do with testing my positivity. As I expressed in that post, it just seemed like the day was testing me a lot. I am over it. I just needed to vent a bit.

Sometimes things get the best of us. I am happy that some of you remain positive all the time, or constantly seek the positive. We all do what works for us. It is hard for me to "on" all the time. Just because I am not 100% smiles all the time does not mean I am not thinking positively, but I don't think there is anyone in this world that doesn't get a little frustrated from time to time. Even those with the greatest faith get frustrated at others for whatever, even if it's lack of faith.

Some of us deal with our frustrations in prayer, meditation, scripture reading, and some deal in more outward manifestations- me included. I like to lift weights or trance out on the treadmill. Or maybe vent on line. I should be more careful what I vent. Lots of judgment. Have to let that go too (judgment.)

JaneA

When I was in active treatment, the element in our stove caught fire. That had happened once before and my husband replaced the element. This time, we realized that it was time to replace the stove. I was in the midst of 28 sessions of radiation with chemo. So we went to Lowes to look at stoves. I suggested getting the cheapest possible because money was tight.

Hubby says NO - you love to cook, and let's get you a better stove. He says, "We can get 18-month financing with no interest." I shed tears in the store about spending $1,000 on a new stove. He assured me that it was the right decision. We settled on a Maytag with a 10-year warranty - a decision that was in conflict with my stage IV diagnosis.

We celebrated the stove's 5th anniversary in March. I'm still here and NED, and I still love my stove.

We all need to vent - household repairs are never ending. We live in the country, and on Christmas Day this past year, our well stopped working. No water on Christmas Day (thank goodness, no company). Just over $600 to repair.

ChicagoSandy

I have stopped trying to "remain positive" because it requires too much mental & emotional energy that, frankly, is getting in the way of coping with the day-to-day challenges not just of the pandemic but my health in general. (Knock wood, breast cancer still in check).

But last week I went to the retinologist to check on a sudden large floater in my L eye that could have been a retinal detachment. Turned out to be nothing, but I let him dilate my R eye too (long overdue for a routine eye exam, but my own ophthalmologist closed his office in late Feb. due to the pandemic and decided to retire--and no ophthos were doing elective exams until the past few weeks). He found a suspicious growth and referred me to an ocular oncologist (at another hospital system), who diagnosed a small-ish ocular melanoma near my iris. So now I'm dealing with dueling health systems being territorial over who has to order and perform the pre-op testing to rule out mets (from both my cancers). The clock is ticking...

Again, "remaining positive" is sheer New-Age b.s. I'm focusing on "remaining effective" and vigilant in being my own advocate! And I don't give a rat's you-know-what over whose feathers get ruffled.

po18guy

If positivity is a habit, it is not work. Yet, it must have a well-reasoned foundation. Not merely detachment (although some of that is good), but a vision of the future which is possible. Placing this temporal life, and suffering in perspective helps to make it tolerable, if not pleasant or encouraging. Various world views present this. If you do not have one (or are unaware of it), the search for truth can not only take your mind off of suffering, but can also reveal the good which can come from it. Very counter-culture. Even counter-intuitive.

LiveWithCancer

I agree, @po18guy.

My faith makes it easy to stay on the bright side. It is not work for me. And i am forever grateful because I prefer not to be a worrier or a person who dwells on the negative. Every situation has negative and positive and each of us chooses where to focus.

To me, focusing on the positive doesn't mean you aren't aware of a situation and that you don't take care of what needs to be done. It just means, again, to me, that you don't wallow in fear or worry or negativity about whatever an issue is.

I might focus on the negative briefly, but that isn't where i stay for any length of time. If i didn't take my thoughts away from the negative, i would be a very worried and depressed person.

Everyone makes his or her own choices. What's right and workable for me might not be good or desirable for someone else.

legaljen1969

@JaneA, I know you are in the country. Nothing is really "close" to you. I think we have hit upon this point, but I have quite a few relatives in your neck of the woods. The "Hill" Family. I am so glad your husband insisted on getting you a stove you would love. I am even more glad that you are NED. That's wonderful.

legaljen1969

@Chicago Sandy, well darn. That's a lot of unexpected unpleasant news to go through. I hate it when providers and health care systems get territorial over who orders what. The top priority, or actually, the ONLY priority should be getting tests ordered ASAP so the patient has the best chance for treatment.

Stay vigilant dear. I am sorry you're having to go through this. The rest of us will try to remain "positive" in our thoughts for you. Keep us posted.

fiddler

LegLJEN1969
As ChicagoSandy said, being "on" is New Age bulls--t. I went on neutral and stayed rather numb that way - to the ups and downs. Staring out the window at the cloud formations on a sunny day was peaceful for me and I didn't socialize during that time except for a few close friends.

Being a B at any time under any circumstances is unnecessary and is a choice. So is a peaceful heart. Everyone knows you're going through stressful times and they feel helpless. Happiness is also a choice - how you define happiness is your personal addition to this goo we call humanity.

Be you. If you snap at someone, so what. It happens. To EVERYONE. Perfection is not possible.