I just wanted to write an update about my jou...

EmpathAgain

I just wanted to write an update about my journey on here, because I know the only time I really reached out for help, I was in a really bad place and felt hopeless. For the longest time I kept on being told that "unless something drastically changes" I would not live to be the age that I am now. According to one of my previous oncologists, the best I could hope for was to live until what would have been April of last year.

While I haven't gotten better (physically), I also haven't gotten worse. So, I have beeen able to stay in maintenance mode for a while now and although I know my lie will certainly be shortened (compared to if I didn't have stage 4 breast cancer), I still feel as though I have at least a few good years left in me. If nothing else, I outlived the "expiration date" that my oncologist at that time essentially gave me. A lot has happned since that time in my life. Much of it bad, but much of it good as well. I have become far more resilient as a person and have been achieving goals that I never thought I realistically would before (in music, writing, and other skills and hobbies) and although I am often alone, I am no longer cripplingly lonely in the way that I was before. I have become far more able to understand where people are coming from that have left me (in terms of friendships) and while I still wish that things had worked better in that route, I also realize that they were very afraid and did not want to see me deteriorate in front of their eyes. Is that selfish? Sure, but I feel no need for blame anymore and I would rather make new relationships that will be more understanding of me (instead of me always trying to make others feel comfortable around me because of my diagnosis). I recognize I will die young and without getting the opportunity to achieve many of the milestones that others my age and older have gotten to, but I also realize that I have had some amazing experiences that not everyone else gets to either. I may not be able to have children and my dating life is essentially non-existent (guys tend to run when you mention you have and not HAD cancer, or so it has been for me thusfar). But I am so more focused on achieving my dreams and goals now that I don't have time for fairweather friends or a relationship with someone who cannot handle my diagnosis. But when I do find the people who will be there for me even knowing what I am going through, those will be the people who won't leave and I will cherish my relationships with them wholeheartedly. I have had some friends come back after educating them more about my disease, but there are some issues there, mostly a lack of trust because its been shown that I cannot relie on them multiple times, but I am okay with that, because I do not need everyone (or even anyone in particular) to be my friend. (As long as I have my mom, but she's the most important person in my life to me and we've already discussed the care and such that I will likely need when things turn for the worst).

But I just wanted to writ enot only an update on my journey, but a pleasant one, because I know I disappeared from here for a while, only to come back somewhat sporadically and infrequently.

Thank you so much for those who cared though. For the longest time it felt like no one did. I appreciate everyone who has been there for me in any capacity

legaljen1969

I have not "met" you before, but I am thankful for your update and the fact that things are going relatively well for you right now. It's always good news when you outlive your expected prognosis. I know this is no easy thing for you, but it is really amazing what clarity cancer seems to bring to us.
When you feel able and inclined to do so, please keep us all updated on whatever is going on in your life.