Am I the only one who has lost all patience?

BobsProstate

I get frustrated quickly when a nurse can't do something, or when an appointment gets messed up. It seems like I am always having to correct someone. I almost need a sedative.

JaneA

Sometimes, the stress and anxiety of our cancer diagnosis makes us impatient. We are naturally frightened and want it treated now. But we soon discover that getting tests scheduled ASAP isn't always possible.

Add in the stress that COVID-19 has put on the entire medical system, and we can understand how the nurses and staff can get overwhelmed by simple things.

I find that deep breathing helps me when I get stressed like that. Always be proactive for yourself if a situation is "truly important." But try to relax and let the small stuff slide - you'll be happier and more relaxed at the end of the day.

Bengal

Try to remember those you are dealing with (nurses, scheduling, etc...) are people too and we don't know what they might be dealing with in their lives. I try to be insistent without being belligerent and I've found I get alot better results with a smile than with a snarl. Sometimes it is very frustrating. I was not given a follow-up date after a small procedure in June. Repeated phone calls over a number of weeks did not yield any results. I lost my temper off phone, then took a deep breath, put on a smile and tried one more time. Finally got someone to talk to me and after 20 minutes on the line she found me an appointment in --------September. All the offices are in turmoil trying to catch up on three lost months while at the same time dealing with present issues. Not an easy time for any of us. Breath, Smile, Be patient.

centered1

Bengal...Amen!

cllinda

One thing I try to always say thank you to nurses, doctors and any other care giver. My son remembered this when he was injured in a serious accident. He could hardly move without being in pain, but he still said thank you whenever someone did something for him. Attitude can help or hinder you when you are going through serious things. Try to be kind when you can.

po18guy

Doctors, nurses, techs etc. re all working in a tremendously regulated area. Essentially, via these often onerous regulations, a group of attorneys determines which treatment you'll receive, how much and when.

I have been frustrated since transplant, as I have been handed off from my high speed-low drag hematologist to a "Keep calm and carry on" type. Testosterone replacement therapy and 5 years of high-dose steroids...
DO
NOT
HELP.

Bug

As I get older there are some areas where I have more patience and some areas where I have less patience. I am really annoyed by people who do a half-baked job. The customer should not have to correct or guide the vendor or doctor or whoever it is. It's such terrible customer service. And a medical issue could be a matter of life and death.

Of course I agree that we should be kind to everyone. But one can be kind and firm and get one's point across at the same time. Miss Manners is a prime example.

GregP_WN

I'm guilty. However. I'm as nice and thankful to those who are capable of doing their job well. But I get bent out of shape when I have to tell someone how to do their job when they are supposed to be the one doing it.

LiveWithCancer

When I was dealing with VA for the umpteenth time and getting different answers from every department, i told one, "I don't know whether to cry or scream ... I am just so frustrated with dealing with you guys." I was trying my darndest to be pleasant, but i had just about reached my wit's end...

Like some others have said, i try my hardest to be nice, say thank you to just about everyone, etc., etc., but it irritates me to no end to come across lazy and/or incompetent employees.

legaljen1969

I think we all lose patience from time to time. I have about lost patience with my oncologist's office. His staff is always unpleasant and rude. It always seems like their patient's are a "bother" to them. I am not saying they have to be syrupy sweet, but considering how disquieting it is for a cancer patient to have cancer- they could treat their patient's a little more like human beings and a little less like loathesome weeds. It's like "yeah, hurry up and get out of here" or "Ugh, do I have to answer another question or see your face AGAIN?"
The rest of my providers have pretty decent staff and I don't mind telling them things even if I have to go over the same thing a few times.
Yes, your doctor may be the "expert" on medicine, but we are the experts on ourselves. We are the ones who "know" where it is easy to stick us or where it is easy to get a vein. We know what our symptoms are and what has worked and not worked in the past. We know our medical history and what should be in our charts.
As frustrating as it is to have to tell someone over and over again, remember that there is only one you. You are the only important patient to you. You are the only one that counts in the 15 minutes you have with the doctor. You are the only patient hooked up to YOUR particular machine to get chemotherapy or the only one waiting for your shot. Some doctors and nurses are "high speed low drag." Others are a softer touch and more the "hand holding" type. Though I suspect there is less time for "hand holding" now. Anyhow, we probably all have some providers where we think "I know they know their stuff, but do they have to have the personality of a toilet paper roll?" and there are some we look forward to seeing and we feel at ease when the enter the room.
Even though my surgeon is the one who has given me almost ever piece of bad news I have gotten throughout this process, I always feel so much calmer after I meet with her. My blood pressure goes down and I feel like the world is right again.

My oncologist is a very "keep calm and carry on" kind of guy. He is super friendly and always seems to have the least grim outlook of all of my providers. I always feel like he will put things to me in the least scary way. I was always glad to see him after seeing my surgeon because the bad new she delivered always seemed to sound less scary when he put the puzzle pieces into the bigger picture. His staff? Well it's like having to eat worms to get to the ice cream, but whatever.

I guess my point is this. Try to remember that YOUR appointment is the only one YOU have to worry about. YOUR procedure is the only one YOU have to worry about. Maybe the five people before you had bad veins or maybe they cried and screamed and needed restraints. Maybe they cursed like a sailor and spit pea soup. Maybe the lab tech was ready to call an exorcist instead of the doctor. I try to remember that what happens when I lose my patience with others is likely due to a lot of factors beyond my control.

legaljen1969

Sorry for another answer here. But I encountered a very rude patient today who insisted on getting in ahead of others after she missed her appointment today because she thought it was 9:45 and the clinic had her down for 8:45. I only know her appointment time because she was broadcasting like a bullhorn and raising lots of ****. Her husband was being very demanding as well and insisting that they accommodate them immediately. Both were yelling and carrying on to the point that thankfully the dear lady at the front desk took them back to a private patient waiting room that had a television and they could be all alone and not get others all worked up.
Well, I had to use the restroom before they got to me for my bone scan. As I was walking by the private patient room after my visit to the restroom, the lady was standing by the door and said "I am so sorry for being so loud earlier. I just found out my diagnosis and I am scared to death what is going to happen now. I've been a wreck and my husband is at his wit's end with all of it. I don't know if it's really bad or if it's treatable." I told her "We have all been there. We hear that C word and our minds start running at full speed. Don't go to worst case scenario until you hear from the doctor." I asked her a few questions about her doctor and re-assured her that she is in good hands. The nurse came to collect me for my bone scan. When we got in the room for the scan, she thanked me for taking time to offer some encouragement to the lady. She asked if I knew her and I told her I didn't know her by name, but I recognized her as the same scared patient I had been a few months ago.
We often react out of fear too and that can trigger loss of patience. I remember how impatient I was when I first found out.

LiveWithCancer

Legaljen1969, my first oncologist worked in a for profit cancer center. He was superb. But, I switched where i got treatments because the office staff, from the ones who took blood to weighing/blood pressure, to his nurse were so rude and hateful that i hated going. I tried my darndest to make friends with them, was pleasant, tried to always smile, etc. ... nothing worked (except i did manage to win over a few of the ones drawing blood).

Where I am now, it is completely the opposite. Everyone wants a hug, to catch up on my family, everything. They are my friends. And this is at a huge university cancer clinic where my first oncologist told me i would be nothing more than a number. From the people who check me in, to the ones who empty the trash, to the ones who take me to where i need to be to the nurses to the doctor ... i couldn't ask for better. Makes the visit much more pleasant.