While you are in the middle of treatments have you felt like you have lost control of your life?

Doogie

Does it seem like you are just along for the ride? And for those that are done with treatment and trying to move on, do you think that you have tried to overcompensate for not having control while in treatment, now you're trying to do every little thing that needs to be done? I think my mind is playing tricks on me.

JaneA

Those daily radiation treatments do take over your life in terms of your schedule.

I just rolled with it. My house looked like a disaster had struck. My hubby washed the clothes and loaded the dishwasher, and the rest got pushed aside. I was in treatment for a year for Stage IV rectal cancer so things just had to go by the wayside.

I think that we have to make a conscious effort to maintain our identity during treatment. It may seem like we are just a number, but we're not. Prioritize what's absolutely got to be done - like pay the monthly bills, do the laundry and cook/eat. And the rest can slide.

It's good to take some quiet time for ourselves and reflect on what's happening and realize that somehow and some way, we'll make it through to the other side.

cllinda

Yes, I did feel that way. I was very sick from treatments, saw no end in sight and it was winter, so I couldn't go anywhere due to cold and flu season. It can be very depressing. And it was.
It took a good year after things were over to feel human again and realize that I had made it through everything. And I'm still here, seven years later and a grandma to two little girls who bring me joy.

Bengal

Yes! I totally felt I had lost control of my life. And a year and a half out of treatment I still feel that way and every little thing is most definitely NOT getting done. Now, after the past couple of weeks, I again really feel I have no control over much of anything.

JaneA, you mentioned maintaining your identity during treatment. I actually assumed a different persona during treatment. At first it wasn't consciously. The name I go by is different than my actual name which is the legal name on all of my medical files and, therefore the name all medical staff called me. After a while I did consciously become that other person with a different name and I think it helped me cope with the traumatizing situation 'cause it wasn't me. Now, the problem is, I'm still trying to rejoin the two of us.

Dkatsmeow

I kind of felt in limbo in the middle of treatment. And since I am trying to get back my "normal', even though I know I never will/ I still try to be that precancer person. And actually I feel more anxious now with thjis virus than in treatment. That was like a very bad dream. Also I have a bad thyroid & if I don't take my medicine right I do get kind of mental.

carlie

Yes, it was the strangest world to be in... that community of cancer patients. So many days I'd think of how "cancer world" is a different planet. It was lonely, traumatizing, unknown, and unimaginable where I'd be after completing radiation. Those treatments were so difficult to endure then a slow recovery for about 18 months.
Now 3 years later, I'm different in so many ways. There are permanent loses but the best gain is I'm still alive.
Keeping faith, daily journal and embracing hope that I'll be able to enjoy my days with gratefulness.

po18guy

I believe that those who thought they were most in control of their lives are the most affected - even devastated - by the diagnosis. As to life, most things go well most of the time. That much is quite easy to deal with, as our expectations are met. It is at those times when we realize that we are powerless to direct the occurrences of daily life, thus we must confront our limitation, our imperfections, our ultimate powerlessness.

Death. We all face it. Some today, some tomorrow, some far into the future. We strive to put it off for as long as we can, but the day, time and reason are normally outside of our control. Even if we plan an assisted suicide, we may go unexpectedly before that!

Throughout the day, I ponder my last breath - not out of a sense of fatalism, but actually in preparation and hope. Many will not understand or agree, and that is fine. I am giving only my take on this.

BoiseB

My daughter took complete control of my life. I really was too weak to resist but I did try. I thank God for her. With the second cancer my son took control. It was terribly hard to give up control but I really was too sick to do anything for myself.