Side Effects | Mood changes

BlessedNannie

Feeling guilty that i was a roller coaster of emotions and didn't have anyone to relate with me. Putting my family through all the ups and downs and feeling so bad but knowing I couldn't control it.

ImWorthIt

Please don't feel guilty. That's one of the things that makes me crazy. We all have emotions and we need to be able to feel what we feel. Sometimes it's hard. The world wants us to "Be positive" and keep a cheerleader smile on our face. I find that we are often the "support source" in our own journey- trying to protect our family from our own emotions and battles. We don't want to "burden" anyone. Truth be told, I had to let my family have their story and I had to have mine. I would get so upset when my family said "Don't talk about it. Don't dwell on it." Dang, it's hard not to sometimes. When your body hurts, you are missing hair or parts of your body that were there only weeks, months or days ago. You see your body every day and feel your own pain and your own emotions, but you have to put on a happy face sometimes.
I was diagnosed in November 2019. I had a lumpectomy in January 2020 and a mastectomy of my left breast in February 2020. Three days after being cleared to return to work, the world started shutting down for COVID.
It was only recently that I started realizing what a true blessing it was to go through my journey during the shutdown. Why?
Everyone was already cranky, so if I had a meltdown day- people paid no attention because everyone was sad. I got to process my own journey without so much chatter.
This site became my world. My "friends" were all going through the same thing, or had been through the same thing. I got to recover and process it with people like myself.
Mind you, lots of people on here will be encouragers for sure but we all understand if you feel sad for hair loss, weight loss, weight gain, lack of sex drive, lack of luster in life in general.
Cancer gives you a lot of perspective. My doctor called me the other day and said "I have a little bit of bad news." I, of course, thought she was going to lower a boom on me. She said "I need to schedule you for your appointment in the afternoon instead of the morning." I said "Is that it?" I told her that once my doctor told me I had cancer, there isn't much bad news after that.

I hope you do start feeling a little more comfortable with your current situation. I am sure your family understands a lot more than you think they do. And if they don't, we are here for you.