Since your diagnosis, do you find that you have a new affinity for others with health problems now?

Bloodproblems
Bloodproblems Member Posts: 31
edited May 2020 in General Cancer
I never used to give it a second thought when I would see someone on oxygen, in a wheelchair, using a walker, or some other obvious health issue. Now I find I look and instantly think if there's any way I can help them right now. Get in their car, get something off the grocery shelf for them, etc. Just me or is this something that having our own health issue triggers in people?

Comments

  • legaljen1969
    legaljen1969 Member Posts: 763
    edited April 2020
    I do find that I have much more empathy for others now. One of the biggest things I have to say I have learned is that I am much more apt to wonder about not just a current circumstance. I have fewer "assumptions" about people. For example, I don't view someone as a "cancer patient" but as a person who has cancer or is undergoing treatment for cancer. Seems like the same thing? Maybe to some. To me, I try to keep in mind that they are an ordinary person doing ordinary things. Their illness or health issue is but a circumstance in their life.
    I have found that some people appreciate the help and some people take great offense at the suggestion they might need any help. I find that I am much more willing to offer help that I would appreciate. Years ago, I had a broken leg and had to be in a wheelchair and on a walker for awhile. I can't tell you how many people let doors slam in my face. I always offer to hold the door. My grandmother was on a walker for several years. We would sometimes go out to eat or to a store and I would let her out at the front of the store. I would get her to sit down on a bench while I parked the car and then come to accompany her inside. I always appreciated if someone was willing to help her on into the store, and now I will do the same for others.
    I do get more annoyed at people who just stare from afar "wondering" what they should do or just the "sad whispers" and obvious avoidance. I can't tell you how many times I have said to people "You know, it's not contagious." You won't be stricken with the inability to walk if you help someone in a wheelchair. You won't get cancer if you strike up a conversation with the lady walking in the mall wearing her scarf.
    It can feel very lonely when people won't help you when you need even the smallest thing. I saw a lady several months ago in a clothing store. She was looking at something on a rack but couldn't get to it because her wheelchair would not fit in the space she needed to get to. The clerk was quite busy. I asked if she would mind if I helped her get the item so she could look at it. She was quite thankful.
    I think the key is to have empathy and remember they are just ordinary people who may appreciate a little extra assistance. If they decline or get upset, just wish them a nice day and carry on.
  • GregP_WN
    GregP_WN Member Posts: 742
    edited May 2020
    Yes, I do too. I see people in lowes parking lot trying to load something in their truck. I'll jump out and go try to help, all the while I need someone to help me!
  • Teachertina
    Teachertina Member Posts: 205
    edited April 2020
    Yes. I’ve learned to not judge anyone on appearance or ability or even attitude. Everyone has a story, sometimes a very sad or upsetting one. People cope with things in many different ways. I try to stay positive and helpful when I can in hopes of spreading it around to those who may need it more than I do. I heard a long time ago a saying that I use - When you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours!
  • legaljen1969
    legaljen1969 Member Posts: 763
    @Teachertina, I think people dealing with cancer actually have a much easier time sharing smiles with others. Once we realize there is something growing in our body that we may or may not have contributed to, and we may or may not be able to stop its growth, we let go of so much of the extraneous stress and garbage in our lives.
  • legaljen1969
    legaljen1969 Member Posts: 763
    @GregP_WN, do they look at you with surprise that you are trying to help them? I can imagine you are one of the most helpful people ever. I can also imagine that some people think "Wow, he's the one that needs help and he is so willing to help me." I would hope that your help of others encourages them to pay it forward.
  • MiriamMarino
    MiriamMarino Member Posts: 14
    Yes, I will help even though I realize I would struggle to do so.

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