You are dealing with grief second by second, my husband was diagnosed with high grade brain cancer when he was 57. He never complained, never asked for anything, made his own decision as to what treatment he would elect. He chose whole brain radiation only. I was the one who built the wall. Although I had studied loss, death, grief in college I did the human norm...steeled myself from my own pain. I never cried in front of him, the people in the grocery store must have thought I was going mad, I shopped wet cheeked, cried driving to and from. I hosted friends, family, even an old crush; watched him hug his mother for the last time. He only wept twice, once over leaving his family and once for the loss of his treasured career as a nuclear astrophysicist. Watching him brave the losses shredded my heart. It would be prudent to get some help with the psychological/emotional roller coaster you both are on, it is not the norm for a man to see himself as the patient, to be helpless, to not fulfill his perceived obligations as the keeper of the clan. I will hold you in my heart and prayers.
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April 2014