Syd_Pea

Hi

I was diagnosed 13 years ago with EC. I have gone through chemo, radiation and surgery. We created a web site www.fightec.org. Take a look

Bart

How are you doing over there, Syd?

Hi Syd. My heart goes out to you at this time in your dad's life where he's going through so much physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and every other way. You are both fortunate to have a loving relationship. We talked to a home care nurse who said you wouldn't believe the number of people out there who have absolutely no one. So, while it's easy to focus on all the things that are going wrong, it's also important to remember all the things you have for which to be grateful even in the middle of the hurting-- both your dad's and yours.

Your dad no doubt loves you, and he wants to live. If he's like many people, he doesn't want living or a little more quantity of life to mean zero quality of life and zero hope that his situation will change for the better. When you go through a chronic illness, sometimes it seems like the storm's never going to end. Enough people have experienced what your dad's going through to know somewhat what he has to look forward to physically, if he does or does not continue with treatment.

My dad is also dealing with an advanced cancer. I can completely empathize with what you're feeling. Thoughts about whether to continue or stop can change from day to day, depending on how someone's feeling. It's easy to feel overwhelmed, and not know whether it's even worth suffering through treatments. What I think they do not need is any added feelings of guilt or pressure from outside. I think it's important to just tell him you love him, and that you support him no matter what. It's also important to empower him to make his own choices, and be the chief of his own health care to what ever extent possible. One thing you can do is to understand the reality of the situation, what happens if he does or does not continue with treatments, to help make the best choice possible under the circumstances. But remain positive, and don't tell him that he needs to keep fighting, or no, how can you do this, or anything like that. He will know what he needs in his own time. Be patient, and take a deep breath. Another thing you can do is put things on the calendar, other than cancer cancer cancer, for him to look forward to, next week, the week after, next month... so that when he sees the future in his mind, he doesn't only see suffering.

Hi Syd,
I have a different perspective than most. I was put in a coma when first diagnosed. My children were told to plan my funeral. I spent a long time in the hospital and almost 6 months in a nursing home. Yes it is about me but when I am gone the only ones that will hurt are the people that love me and I will fight till my last dying breath to be there with my loved ones. I will show my children courage until I can no longer be there. That will be my legacy for them. I go into the high school almost everyday. I help out, sub for classes and when appropriate, I talk to the students about my experiences, Relay for Life, etc. I listen to them speak about their loved ones who have suffered and passed and the ones that are still fighting. This all gives my existence meaning. It is not about the pain, which I am in constantly, or the effects of chemo, which I take orally everyday, and will for the rest of my life. Its about making a difference in the world and showing courage.

Hi Syd_Pea, sorry to hear your dad is not doing well. Also, if I wasn't clear, I was talking about finding a support group for you, the caregiver, where you can get support from other caregivers in similar situations to yours. As difficult as it may be to think about, have you and your dad considered getting hospice care? His doctor can help you both decide what to do next. My heart goes out to you both.

HI Syd,

I'm sorry your Dad's in that frame of mind. Please repost this in the "questions" tab at the top of the page, more people see them there and can give you more feedback.

I hope he gets to feeling better. I know it's tough, I took care of both my Mom and Dad in cancer battles.

Let us know if we can help.

Greg P
3X Survivor
Team WhatNext
Community Mgr.

Hi Syd_pea, so sorry to hear your dad is feeling this way. What has been happening since the last time you posted, when he was looking forward to eating lunch? Are his pain and discomfort being well managed? If not, speak to his doctor about that. Have you found any support groups for you to attend? Talking with others who are in a similar situation and, therefore, understand what you're going through may help you cope and get you and your dad through this difficult time. Holding you and your dad in my thoughts.

Hi Syd_Pea,

This is Casey, the daughter of Eva Pascual. My mom showed me the messages you've been exchanging with each other. I am sorry to learn that your father has been struck with this disease. Cancer has struck a lot of people in my life. I can relate to the feelings you're going through and understand that you may be feeling angry, tired, and confused about this experience. I struggled with accepting the fact my mother was diagnosed with Cancer. It was difficult for her to open up and ask her children for help even when she was clearly struggling. There were times I couldn't relate to what she was going through and it hurt me, because I didn't understand her pain. Though you and your family are going through this difficult time, please know that you're not alone. Now that my mother is in remission, I feel I need to give something in return to this community. Please do not hesitate to reach me or my mother. We will help support you in anyway we can. Our prayers go out to you and your father. I hope to hear from you.

Regards,

Casey

Hello. Welcome to Whatnext. Best wishes to you and my heart goes out to you and your family.