Syd_Pea

Hi

I was diagnosed 13 years ago with EC. I have gone through chemo, radiation and surgery. We created a web site www.fightec.org. Take a look

Bart

How are you doing over there, Syd?

Hi Syd. My heart goes out to you at this time in your dad's life where he's going through so much physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and every other way. You are both fortunate to have a loving relationship. We talked to a home care nurse who said you wouldn't believe the number of people out there who have absolutely no one. So, while it's easy to focus on all the things that are going wrong, it's also important to remember all the things you have for which to be grateful even in the middle of the hurting-- both your dad's and yours.

Your dad no doubt loves you, and he wants to live. If he's like many people, he doesn't want living or a little more quantity of life to mean zero quality of life and zero hope that his situation will change for the better. When you go through a chronic illness, sometimes it seems like the storm's never going to end. Enough people have experienced what your dad's going through to know somewhat what he has to look forward to physically, if he does or does not continue with treatment.

My dad is also dealing with an advanced cancer. I can completely empathize with what you're feeling. Thoughts about whether to continue or stop can change from day to day, depending on how someone's feeling. It's easy to feel overwhelmed, and not know whether it's even worth suffering through treatments. What I think they do not need is any added feelings of guilt or pressure from outside. I think it's important to just tell him you love him, and that you support him no matter what. It's also important to empower him to make his own choices, and be the chief of his own health care to what ever extent possible. One thing you can do is to understand the reality of the situation, what happens if he does or does not continue with treatments, to help make the best choice possible under the circumstances. But remain positive, and don't tell him that he needs to keep fighting, or no, how can you do this, or anything like that. He will know what he needs in his own time. Be patient, and take a deep breath. Another thing you can do is put things on the calendar, other than cancer cancer cancer, for him to look forward to, next week, the week after, next month... so that when he sees the future in his mind, he doesn't only see suffering.