dtstacyb

Hello and welcome, we are glad you found us. Please feel free to join in the conversations. Here is a link to our cancer dx page for your type of cancer. Take a look at it to get you started on some information. You will notice at the bottom of that page 4 of our active users who have had that journey already, you may wish to contact them for their experience and wisdom. Also, I encourage you to go to the questions page now by clicking on the questions tab at the top of the page and post what is the most pressing issue you have right now. This will introduce you to the community and get you started on the help you need right now.

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GregP 3X Survivor
Team WhatNext Community Mgr.

Hi dtstacyb,
I do not envy your position nor that of your mother. We have to try and put ourselves in her shoes. She is the one with a deadly form of cancer...pancreatic cancer. She is the one who is afraid of dying. She is the one who is afraid for her family and leaving them behind. She is the one who has to make these decisions as she faces dying from pancreatic cancer. I know what she is going through...I have been there. My wife was there in the room when the doctor told me of the statistics of survival 2% of making it 3yrs and 4% chance of making it 5yrs. I thought for a moment of what to say, and the next thing that came out of my mouth was..."count me in, I'm in on those numbers, somebody has to be." I have been there! I myself am nearly a 13 year, stage IV, pancreatic cancer survivor. The redeeming factor for me was that it did not metastasized, but the tumor was adenosquamous carcinoma, pancreatic cancer. They removed 40% of my pancreas, my entire spleen, a slice of my left kidney, and 5 lymph nodes. Fortunately for me it only spread to the first lymph node. I am not a religious person, but I would be foolish not to believe that there was some Devine intervention in my survival. You say that your mother has decided to put her life in the hands of God. Respect her decision. She lost her husband 6 years ago to cancer, and now she is afraid of leaving you guys behind. If her life is to be held in the hands of God...then let her go. You say you want to be prepared by knowing if she is going to die. Well do what you have to do to be prepared. There are hundreds, if not thousands of people on this website, WhatNext, and so many of them have faced death straight on...and they have survived. I am one of those people, and at around 18 months of my battle I asked the question "why me?" Not why me did I get cancer, but why me did I survive, while so many others have died from pancreatic cancer. It took me a while, but I began to see why I survived. To be a survivor means that you have another day to live, but you must live it with a purpose. My purpose is to reach out to all of those who have followed in my footsteps...to give them the courage, strength, and hope to move forward in their battle. This also applies to any of the family members that I come in contact with. Some of these people who I support have passed...and that has been difficult, but now it is your time to reach out to your mother. Reach out to her and ask her what you want to know. Don't do this in a confrontational manner. Tell her that you understand her, and that you believe her will to die is left in the hands of God. Be on her side...not against her. I am sorry to take up so much space with my reply to your question, but it is not an easy question to answer. I don't know if there is an answer...that will be up to you.

May God Bless your mother and the rest of the family in understanding her decision.
Russ

Your mother probably has her reasons to hold her diagnosis close until she can anticipate possible outcomes and how this may affect different family members. The actual cancer is a small part of the patient-strategist out there, including the receptiveness of family members to her new needs, usually with old resources.

Welcome to the WhatNext family! The WhatNext family is made up of people like you who are looking for help or looking to help others. To help you along your journey the WhatNext family has put together a Beginner's Guide to Cancer that I highly recommend you check-out here: http://bit.ly/10BQKCi. Also, please do not hesitate to reach out to others or ask for help.

Wishing you the best.

David
Founder, WhatNexter