FreeBird

Doing OK had a CT scan about a week ago and will get the results at next visit with oncologist. Not expecting good news as I have been having pains growing all over my mid section and feel that the disease is progressing even though we have been treating with a very aggressive chemo regimen.
Feeling a bit down as the side effects of chemo are wearing me out I cannot be even mildly active without losing my breath and having my heart rate go through the roof. I know that a positive outlook helps but having a hard time staying upbeat when all the news is bad. Jealous of people that say they continue to go to work while treating as I have been "one with the couch" because of my reaction to chemo.
Continue to try every idea possible to gain the upper hand against this challenge but would really like a break to rest. The bad thing about that is I took a break for two months to try to get the chemo side effect under control and the disease went wild and stormed back and spread to areas that weren't effected before. Now the fight needs to go on in different directions and there seems to be no end in sight. I guess the good thing there is that the disease can't see and end either so we are at a stalemate until I decide to give up for as we know the cancer will never give up.
On the brighter side we were told by our youngest that she is expecting our 5th grandchild in May 2013 . Another reason to fight on. We really didn't expect this one to have children but mother and father are both giddy with happiness and we are certain will make fine parents.

Thanks for reaching out I have been looking for a place to vent some and this helps

A Prayer for the Caregiver
By Bruce McIntyre

Unknown and often unnoticed, you are a hero nonetheless.
For your love, sacrificial, is God at his best.
You walk by faith in the darkness of the great unknown,
And your courage, even in weakness, gives life to your beloved.

You hold shaking hands and provide the ultimate care:
Your presence, the knowing, that you are simply there.
You rise to face the giant of disease and despair,
It is your finest hour, though you may be unaware.

You are resilient, amazing, and beauty unexcelled,
You are the caregiver and you have done well!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jnxvn5CSuc8&feature=share PLEASE, YOU MUST WATCH THIS!!!

We drove to the panCan conference in chicago couple days ago. it was informative,but nothing new. I am REALLY intereseted in researching publishing from Europe (France specifically)and Australia. Seems what is open to general public does have to go through FDA filter,if you know what I mean???