Moxie8

yorkleeann4321 @ hotmail . com

Thank you for the kind words! In answer to your questions, I have worked in social services my whole adult life, and the addictions stuff definitely crosses into all aspects of that world, so I guess it's just innately part of my being now. The stuff I know is just enough to be dangerous, but it's all transferrable, and applicable in everyday life! June, I started a job in the "business" world. I must say I love it so far!

Funny you should ask about the writing. My brand new boss asked the same thing and I have been entertaining the idea. I find it gives me pleasure and a creative outlet, really. Can't draw or paint worth a darn! Gotta do something!

What are your interests? Outlets? My hiking buddies and I are planning a hiking expedition out west, 2016 or so. I may be asking for some tips about your neck of the woods!

And, watch out with that boyfriend of yours! Before my husband got sick we used to fight about the damn dog and my driving. He MUST be getting better, because he's back at that, too! LOL!

I don't have a "silver bullet" kind of answer for you. However, I do have some thoughts, suggestions and other questions.

First, my husband tried 1:1 counseling, too and did not like it. He started a "Livestrong" fitness program, through our local YMCA. It's a (FREE) workout for cancer survivors two days a week. He went in with very low expectations, but turns out he LOVES LOVES LOVES it. Not to generalize, but most guys work things out physically. Talking it out, for him, wasn't useful. He's literally "working" through it. He's noticeably stronger since starting nearly 2 months ago. He enjoys being in the company of other's who are as "broken" as he, without the self-consciousness he feels around our old friends.

My husbands situation was bringing me down. I felt like I was drowning and useless to him as much as he me, so in desperation, I told him shortly before he enrolled in this Y program that I must live my life again. We had been living off the grid over a year and a half. I was doing nothing but being with him. I told him that I had brought him as far as I could and now he must figure the rest out. I went on to say that there is a place by my side if/when he is ready. I promised not to pressure him and let him know what I would be doing daily/weekly/monthly. If he cared to join, he could. This "letting go" of the "power" to fix him was exactly what we both needed. He doesn't do a lot with me, but he does do some things. I don't pressure him to join me. I love when he does join, but I try not to gush about it and ultimately, I trust his decisions either way. I am trusting the process of healing. He is MUCH better psychologically than he was even a few months ago. Finally!

Curious if your SO is working? If he has good supports in family/friends? What did he enjoy doing before the diagnosis? It would be unusual if he WASN'T depressed. I would say it's healthy, really, as he's working through it. It's just unbelievably hard to watch. And helpless.

You sound like a terrific support! Keep me posted what YOU try and what works for you both in the journey! It feels so "fish out of water"!!

Sounds like your SO has been through much. You, too! My husband battled/battles depression since the diagnosis. He's medicated for it, but that isn't enough. He went to a support group but most of the members were women w/ breast cancer and he just couldn't connect. About a month ago, he started a "Livestrong" fitness program at the Y. Free to him. And, he LOVES it! LOVES!

His fatigue is SLOWLY improving. He doesn't sleep anymore during the day. But it is admittedly a slow recovery.

As far as intimacy goes, that is slow to return to. The fatigue, not feeling attractive, weakness from treatment, medications, fear/anxiety…. all impacts him. Our love is deep, but the physical aspects are slow to return, too. I have let him know that he was still "attracted" to me when I gained weight, had babies, was unloveable, etc, and the same now goes for him. It's returning. I think he feels a certain pressure to "keep" me. But, there's no worry about that. WE've been married 25 years and, luckily, a very strong foundation.

You and he will adapt to the new normal. We are re-discovering each other. Not that there aren't bumps along the way. That's when the growth happens, though! If you're asking for advice, just trust the process. Things DO fall into place. And, as much as you love each other, you CANNOT be responsible for his happiness. That's his to figure out. You just get to support him while he figures it out.

Please stay in touch!

Moxie8, welcome to the site. I'm sorry for the reason you are here, but am glad you found us. Everyone deals with diagnosis and treatments differently. There is no question the impact on caregivers is as great as it is on the patients.

Hey Moxie8! Welcome to my world! Where are you in your journey as caretaker? My husband is one year post-treatment for tonsil cancer.

Hello and welcome, we are glad you found us. Please feel free to join in the conversations. Here is a link to our cancer dx page for your type of cancer. Take a look at it to get you started on some information. You will notice at the bottom of that page 4 of our active users who have had that journey already, you may wish to contact them for their experience and wisdom. Also, I encourage you to go to the questions page now by clicking on the questions tab at the top of the page and post what is the most pressing issue you have right now. This will introduce you to the community and get you started on the help you need right now.

https://www.whatnext.com/conditions/cancer/head-neck-throat-cancer

There are also subtypes listed on this page to narrow down the type of cancer to match your dx.

Also, if you can take a few minutes and fill in some details of your journey so far, it will help others as they try to answer questions for you, it also helps others as they search through the data base to find someone like themselves. Confirming your email will allow you to receive updates and notices from the site when someone answers your questions or writes on your wall.

Thanks for being with us and let me know if I can help you find any information on the site. After you have an opportunity to look the site over and see what great things there are here, we encourage you to invite your friends, family or anyone you know that may be helped by the connections on WhatNext to join the site also. Just click this link to invite them to join. http://www.whatnext.com/recruit-a-friend

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GregP 3X Survivor
Team WhatNext Community Mgr

Good luck and prayers

Welcome to the WhatNext family! The WhatNext family is made up of people like you who are looking for help or looking to help others. To help you along your journey the WhatNext family has put together a Beginner's Guide to Cancer that I highly recommend you check-out here: http://bit.ly/10BQKCi. Also, please do not hesitate to reach out to others or ask for help.

Wishing you the best.

David
Founder, WhatNexter