Hey, Nobrand. Your posts really move me. I have the same thing you do, only I'm a 63 year old female. I got through chemo fairly easily, so I'm thinking so can you! You are strong my man. When you are feeling weak, stop testing yourself and treat yourself like a pampered prince. You will be strong again when this is over. I deal with death by trusting in the Lord. Not knowing your beliefs, I would suggest that you talk to someone close to you about it. I know I can't make a believer out of you over the internet, but those who have hope in the Lord don't worry so much about it. If you have considered it and it is not for you, at least share your burdens with someone--I would hope someone would promise to take care of your kitties for you! My hope is that you are going to be around for quite a while to care for them yourself!